No More I Love You's
by Sweet Babboo
Summary: Chandler/Kent: A series of events cause their relationship to face its toughest challenge yet. Can Kent's feelings for Chandler survive? Takes place after series 4.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I decided to do something fun again and get back to writing for my favorite pair. I know it's been a while, but I try not to start anything that I don't plan to finish. But you can't hold me to that :)

This story is a little different this time, but I hope you will still enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Whitechapel.

**Chapter 1: **

* * *

"Was that your boyfriend who just left?"

Detective Constable Emerson Kent nearly spit out the water from the glass that was handed to him by the nurse tending to his various wounds. He was recovering from a rather nasty fall while apprehending an assailant. Besides a few bumps and bruises, he was none the worse for wear.

"My boyfriend? Hardly. That was my boss."

"Oh," the young nurse replied in obvious disappointment. "That's a shame. You two would make a cute pair."

Kent didn't know if he should laugh or cry since he shared the same disappointment. "Don't let him hear you say that. I think he would have a panic attack if he knew."

"I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. It's just that he seemed very concerned about your welfare. That's why I asked."

"No worries. And for the record, he treats everyone the same way."

"You wouldn't know that by the way he's barely left your side since you were admitted. We almost had to pry him away with a crowbar so you could be treated."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. You can tell how much he cares about you."

"Not that I'm ungrateful, but when can I leave?" Kent replied quickly wanting to change the subject.

"I'm afraid you'll be spending the night here. Doctor's orders."

"What?" Kent replied almost in a panic. "But I feel perfectly fine."

Kent still hated hospitals. After a long exhausting day, he wanted to sleep in his own bed and crash for the next 24 hours.

"He just wants to make sure that you're not exhibiting any lingering effects from that tumble you took down the stairwell. After all, you do have a nasty bump on the back of your head and quite a bit of bruising."

Kent's expression immediately became crestfallen. "Is it really necessary?"

"It's standard protocol. You'll probably feel like hell in the morning after the painkillers wear off anyways."

"It's just that I'd feel more comfortable at home."

"I know," she replied in sympathy. "Is there anyone you would like us to contact to let them know about your condition?"

"I've already taken care of that," Chandler replied from the doorway. "Your flat mates send their regards as well your mother, Kent."

"You spoke with her?" Kent asked worriedly. He dreaded the thought that perhaps his mother might have told Chandler some embarrassing story about her only son. "What did she say?"

"She was worried of course, but I assured her that you were in good hands. However, I wouldn't be surprised if she came by the first thing in the morning."

"Lovely. Just what I needed," Kent muttered sarcastically under his breath. He would probably be hearing another lecture on the dangers of his profession yet again.

"Nurse, would it be all right for me to stay here for a while?" Chandler asked tentatively.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt. But no more than 10 minutes. Mr. Kent needs his rest."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to stay here with me, sir," Kent offered when it was just the two of them left in the room. "I'm fine."

"I know I don't have to," Chandler replied, pulling up a chair next to Kent's bed. "I want to. Besides, don't you hate hospitals?"

Kent smiled gently. He was touched that his DI would remember something that happened in the beginning of his tenure when they were still practically strangers.

"The last time we were together in a hospital like this, it was when you got striped," Chandler spoke softly. "I thought that with time, the feeling of guilt would go away, but it hasn't. I want you to know that I'll always feel responsible for what happened to you, Kent."

"It wasn't your fault, sir. It comes with the territory. You and I both know that."

"It doesn't make me feel better. I promised myself that I would never put you in a similar situation. I failed you again."

"I don't blame you for what happened tonight or what happened in the past. Why should you?"

"I put you in a dangerous situation because I underestimated the enemy. It was my mistake that caused you so much pain and suffering by Jimmy and Johnny Kray. You could have ended up paralyzed for the rest of your life. That's why I can't forgive myself."

"You know, I'm not as frail and weak as everyone seems to think I am," Kent offered after a moment of silence. "I survived, in spite of everything they did to me. Doesn't that prove that I'm a capable detective?"

"I've never doubted your abilities Kent," Chandler replied earnestly as he looked into Kent's eyes.

"That may be, but if you keep thinking that it's always your fault whenever I'm injured on the job, that's exactly what you're doing."

"I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I have a responsibility for all my team members. I know you can handle the job Kent, but ever since I came to Whitechapel, it feels like I've caused nothing but pain and suffering."

"You're the only one that feels that way, sir. If you hadn't stopped all those murders, there would have been a hell of a whole lot more. I don't know if anyone else could have solved those out-of-the- ordinary cases the way that you did."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm making any difference at all."

"I'm sure DS Miles would beg to differ. If you hadn't stayed with him when he got stabbed by the copycat Ripper murderer, he wouldn't have made it through. You HAVE made a difference, sir. More than you even realize."

"Why are you always so supportive of me Kent? Even when you forgave me for accusing you of being the mole in the Kray case, you didn't hold it against me. You would have had every right to feel resentful under the circumstances."

"It's because you're the only one that ever gave me the confidence to become a better cop," Kent replied without hesitation. "When you first came to Whitechapel, you believed in me like no one else did. Not even myself. For the first time, I felt needed. I felt like I could make a contribution. And I had a reason for wanting to be a better detective. Doesn't a good leader inspire those around him?"

"I didn't know you felt that way, Kent."

"Does it…bother you?"

"Only the fact that I don't deserve such high praise. Surely there must be more to it than that?"

"Well, to be honest I…I…" Kent stammered nervously.

"What is it? You know that you can talk to me about anything."

Kent's big brown eyes showed uncertainty as he debated whether or not to confess his secret, which practically everyone at the station knew about, or least highly suspected. Everyone except the person who mattered the most. DC Emerson Kent was hopelessly in love with DI Joseph Chandler. He wanted to tell Chandler how he felt about him more times than he could count, but there never seemed to be the right time or place. And the words he wanted to say never seemed to come out of his mouth. This wasn't an infatuation. Kent had gradually developed a deep sincere love for the man he called his boss. Too many times, he talked himself out of confessing his feelings. He had never been one to take many chances in life. But now, he had the perfect opportunity to tell the object of his affections how he felt about him. If Kent didn't speak now, maybe he would never get the chance again.

Kent gulped nervously before starting. "I've always liked you, sir," he added softy, keeping his gaze averted from Chandler.

"I've always liked you too, Kent. I consider you a friend," Chandler replied, oblivious to what Kent was trying to convey.

The younger detective then lifted his head and looked directly into Chandler's baby blue eyes. There was no trace of doubt or hesitation as he replied, "I like you more than just a friend."

It took Chandler a few seconds to register the full meaning of Kent's declaration of his feelings. He felt his control slipping rapidly as he realized what the younger man was telling him. His palms were sweaty and his breathing became labored with anxiety. His heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute. In fact, it felt like a jackhammer was beating against his chest. Where was his damned tiger balm when he needed it?

"Sir?" Kent prompted, after a long uncomfortable silence permeated the room.

Chandler's expression reflected a mixture of conflict and anxiety. It was too much for him. He couldn't handle these emotions. He couldn't go through it again.

"I…I think it would be best if you forget about these feelings. I have to go. Get some rest, Kent," Chandler replied quickly as he got up and headed for the door before his brain exploded.

"Wait! Please don't go…" Kent pleaded in vain.

The older man couldn't get away from him fast enough. Kent sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes, knowing now that his dreams of being with Chandler were never going to come to fruition; not after the reaction he had just witnessed. He should have realized by now that Chandler would never feel the same way about him. Up until this point, he had been willing to wait patiently for Chandler to warm his heart to him. Even when Chandler started to show interest in other women, he didn't give up. But after seeing Chandler's reaction to his confession firsthand, Kent was now forced to accept the harsh reality that he had been living in a fantasy. To add insult to injury, his head was beginning to throb painfully. But everything paled in comparison to the ache in his heart.

_To be continued_

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_Uploaded: 01Feb2015_

_AN: My poor poor Kent :(_


	2. Chapter 2

Got a little time before work takes me away so tada! A new update! Thank you for your support. Cheers!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Whitechapel.

**Chapter 2:**

* * *

Chandler tossed back another glass of scotch, trying to dull his senses and was failing miserably. He was back in the safe haven of his flat where he had spent the past hour trying to come to terms with what just happened with Kent. His mind was still racing from Kent's shocking revelation as Chandler stared up at the ceiling trying to block out the evening's earlier events. All he kept seeing was the hurt look on Kent's face as he pleaded with him not to leave. It was such a shock to Chandler's system since he never even considered that Kent might develop feelings for him. The signs had been there. He had just chosen to ignore them.

Chandler put a hand over his eyes trying to soothe the pulsing pressure behind them. He sighed deeply. This was exactly why he hated when personal issues interfered with work. He didn't need the extra drama in his life. It was already complicated enough without the added pressure of having to deal with a co-worker; a subordinate no less, who was enamored with him. It wasn't as if it was the first time it happened to him during his tenure as a detective. He had received ample attention from both sexes and had no difficulties rebuffing their unwanted advances before. But this time it was different. This time, it involved Kent, someone he respected and cared about. A friend.

That was what bothered Chandler the most. He didn't want to hurt his youngest DC, but Chandler couldn't envision them being in a relationship. Not because he hated Kent, but because Chandler could not give of himself to another person again. He was damaged goods. After his brief association with Morgan Lamb, Chandler swore off any more romantic relationships after her unfortunate and untimely death. There was too much pain and disappointment associated with giving one's self to another person. It left you vulnerable and open to nothing except heartache. He didn't want that for Kent. Kent didn't need to be with someone who was saddled with so much emotional baggage. Chandler cared too much about Kent to give him the illusion that they could ever be with each other. It was better this way.

The sudden ringing of his phone made Chandler jump in alarm. Who in the world would be calling him at this hour?

"You better have a damn good reason for calling this late, Miles. Do you have any idea what time it is?" Chandler barked irritably when he recognized Miles's mobile number.

"Come to the hospital right away. It's Kent."

"What's the matter with him?" Chandler replied fully alert now.

"Just get over here now. I'll explain everything later."

"Miles? Miles!" Chandler interjected before he heard dead silence from the other end. He had a bad feeling about this. Nothing good ever came from late night calls.

* * *

"Miles, why did you cut me off like that?" Chandler demanded when he arrived at the hospital. He found his second in command standing outside of Kent's room waiting for him.

"I stopped by to check up on Kent after you left. He was experiencing some dizziness. Apparently, he blacked out and collapsed to the floor when he tried to get out of bed."

"Oh God! Is he all right?"

"As well as can be expected. They did some more tests and found that the dizziness was caused by an inner ear imbalance due to the bump on his head that he got from his scuffle with the suspect earlier tonight. Fortunately, there are no signs of a concussion and his condition is stable."

Miles hesitated. How was he going to break the news?

"You're trying to tell me something, aren't you?"

"I'm trying NOT to tell you something."

"Stop beating around the bush. What is it?" Chandler demanded.

The older man gave his boss a resigned look before opening the door into Kent's room. Kent was awake and sitting up in bed as he flipped through various channels on the television monitor on the wall. He turned towards them and acknowledged their presence as they came in.

"I wasn't expecting you back so soon. And so late as well. How did you get by the night nurse?"

"She owes me a favor," Miles joked. "By the way, I snuck you in some food," Miles replied dropping a bag filled with various snacks on his lap. "Lord knows the food here won't make you feel any better."

Kent smiled gratefully. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better. Unfortunately, my head feels like someone has been using it for a punching bag."

Kent's eyes then turned to Chandler who was fidgeting nervously. To say that the situation was awkward was putting it mildly. If it wasn't for Kent's condition, he probably wouldn't have come under the circumstances.

"Pardon me, but do I know you?" Kent asked in confusion.

* * *

Chandler's veins in his forehead bulged in disbelief. How could Kent play games at a time like this? Was he that angry at him?

"Kent, this is no time to make jokes. It's in very bad taste and I am not amused."

Miles stepped in before Chandler could continue. "This is Detective Inspector Joseph Chandler. He took over during your absence."

Chandler stared at Miles as though the older man had lost his mind. Why was he humoring Kent?

"Oh. So you're the new boss Skip told me about. You'll have to excuse me for not knowing who you are, but so much has happened and I'm a little out of sorts."

Chandler stared at Kent as though he had lost his mind. "Have you both gone completely mad?"

Miles quickly took a hold of Chandler's arm and pulled him aside. "Give us a moment, will you Kent? I need to talk to the boss."

"Sure thing, Skip."

"Miles, what the hell is going on here?" Chandler demanded in a hushed voice.

"When I stopped by earlier, Kent seemed dazed and confused. I thought it was strange that he kept referring to the previous DI as well as Fitzgerald, McCormack, and Sanders as if they were still with us. That's when I realized that something was wrong. Kent isn't pretending. As far fetched as it sounds, he thinks that it's still the period before you came to Whitechapel. He doesn't remember the Ripper murders, the Kray case, or any of the other cases we've worked on since you got here. He doesn't remember Riley, Mansell, or Buchan. And he doesn't remember you."

Chandler's face registered shock and sheer disbelief. He could understand Kent blocking out the pain of their last encounter. That goes without saying. But was he so affected that he could wipe out such a significant part of his life? How was that even possible?

"You must have misunderstood. Kent wouldn't just forget the last five years."

"Are you suggesting that he's putting on an act?"

"No, of course not," Chandler replied in agitation, rubbing his forehead while resting his other hand at his side. "I'm just trying to find a reasonable explanation for all of this. What did the doctor say?"

"He says that Kent's amnesia might have been triggered when he collapsed to the floor due to the dizziness he was experiencing. It didn't help that he had that nasty fall earlier when he was chasing after that assailant. When you were with him before, did he give you any reason to believe that he was under duress because of his injuries?"

Chandler looked away in dismay. How could he tell Miles what happened earlier? How could he explain that his abrupt rejection of Kent might have caused his DC to wipe out his entire memory of the last five years of his life? Any way you looked at it, this was his fault.

"I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary," Chandler replied evasively. "How did he react when you told him the truth?"

"He was obviously shocked and upset. But he's coming to terms with the situation. Kent has always been level-headed and knows the score. It's not like he can do anything about it for the moment."

"Miles, he WILL be all right, won't he?"

"I don't know. The doctor thinks it's just temporary and that his memory will come back in due time, but you can never tell with head traumas. Kent's going to need patience and understanding from all of us, especially from you, sir."

"I would do anything to help Kent."

"Are you so sure of that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chandler demanded angrily.

"It means that you're going to have to step out of that fortress of solitude of yours and reach out to Kent if you want to help him. He's always admired you from the beginning. There's no reason to think that he won't feel the same way about you now. He's still the same person deep down."

That's exactly what Chandler was afraid of.

"Is something wrong?" Kent asked in concern, sensing the tension in Miles and Chandler's conversation.

"We were just discussing how to ease you back to work. Weren't we?"

"You don't have to push yourself if you're not ready yet, Kent."

"But I feel fine. I mean, it's a lot to process at the moment, but I want to get back to work as soon as possible."

"You sure about that, son? I mean you've received quite a shock. Don't you want to get reacquainted with all the changes over the last five years?"

"The best way I can do that is to get back to work. Maybe that will trigger my memories to come back sooner. Besides, I can't sit around doing nothing. I'll go bonkers."

"The others can cover for you in the meantime. Take as much time as you need."

Kent was visibly hesitant. Miles had seen this look before in the earlier days when Kent first started as a detective constable fresh out of the academy. Although he was a qualified DC, he had been reserved and tended to be an easy target of teasing from the senior DCs. He was always worried that he would be the dispensable one out of the group. It was no wonder that he felt insecure about his position.

"Don't worry," Miles reassured the younger detective. "Your job will still be there when you get back. You're getting paid to rest. I'd take the DI up on his offer if I were you."

Kent nodded affirmatively. "All right Skip. If you say so."

Chandler didn't know why, but the fact that Kent felt reassured by Miles left him with an uncomfortable feeling inside. Logically, he knew that Kent would trust Miles more considering he wasn't familiar with Chandler yet the way things stood. As far as Kent was concerned, Chandler was a complete stranger to him. It was beginning to sink into Chandler's consciousness that the Kent that he knew may never come back. And that scared the hell out of him.

_To be continued_

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_Uploaded: 04Feb2015_

_AN: I've often wondered how Chandler would react if Kent didn't see him as a mentor/love interest. Let's see where this journey takes us._


	3. Chapter 3

Had a hellish work week for anyone that cares. Thank goodness it's over. But you're not here for the gory details. Instead, here's another chapter for you.

I hope you're not bored so far. It gets harder and harder to find something new to write about Chandler/Kent that hasn't been written yet (at least that I'm aware of). But Lord knows, I'll try. :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Whitechapel.

**Chapter 3:**

* * *

"Mansell, I don't want you to give Kent a hard time when he gets here. He's been through a lot and he doesn't need to put up with your usual crap on top of everything he's been through," Riley warned in a stern voice.

"Give me a frickin' break. I'm not such a jerk that I would do that to him. Besides, it isn't any fun when he doesn't even know who we are."

"I still can't believe that he doesn't remember the last five years. It's like a soap opera," Buchan commented. "It even has the added intrigue of Kent forgetting all about Joe altogether when he practically worships the ground he walks on."

"Yeah. It's gonna be strange with the kid not following him around like an eager puppy all the time. I kind of got used to it."

"Maybe it's for the best in the long run. Chandler was probably never going to be interested in him," Riley replied softly.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Joe is quite fond of young Kent," Buchan noted observantly.

"He was also fond of DI Norroy and Morgan Lamb as well," Mansell reminded Buchan as a matter of fact. "And he paid more attention to them than he ever did to Kent."

"Do you think he still feels anything for Joe, even with his amnesia?"

"Who knows? One thing's for sure. It's about to get interesting around here."

"Don't you people have anything else better to do?" Miles demanded as he appeared before them standing with arms akimbo. "You're getting paid to work, not gossip."

"Why all the fuss? The boss isn't even in yet."

"All the more reason to look busy. He has enough to worry about with Kent's condition."

"Is Kent still coming to work today?" Riley asked.

"That's the plan. The doctor says that getting back to his normal routine is the best medicine for him right now."

"It feels weird. I mean, I know it's still Kent, but he won't even recognize us even though we've known him for years. I don't know how to act around him."

"He has amnesia, not the plague. Just be yourself and act like you normally do. In your case Mansell, treat him better than that."

"Hey!" Mansell protested hotly.

"My apologies for being late everyone," Chandler announced as he entered the office area.

"You all right, sir?" Miles asked, suspecting that Chandler was feeling anxious. After all, this was not only a big change for Kent, but also for Chandler himself. And as everyone knew, change did not come to the DI very easily.

"I'm fine. I see that Kent hasn't arrived yet. Would you tell him to come see me when he gets in?"

"He should be here any minute. Now that I think about it, Kent always used to be the last one to arrive in the old days. It's a good thing the previous DI wasn't uptight about things like that. No offense, sir."

"None taken," Chandler replied softly before heading into his office.

Kent arrived a few minutes later, dressed more casually than his usual suit and tie that everyone had become accustomed to. His dark naturally springy curls, reminiscent of a cherub, were tamed with hair gel and plastered against his head. The severity of the style made him look reserved and belied Kent's personality. To complete the ensemble, he wore a dark green pullover sweater with jeans and sneakers. He easily stood out compared to the other detectives who were more professionally dressed, making him feel more self-conscious than he already was. Now that he was back, it finally dawned on him how much things had changed since the onset of his amnesia.

"Morning, Skip."

"Morning. You ready to get back to work?"

"Yes, sir."

"I want to introduce you to a couple of people first. This is DC Mansell and DC Riley. You've been working together for the past few years. Do their names and faces ring a bell?"

Kent paused momentarily, trying to recall, but drew an immediate blank. "I'm sorry, but I don't remember."

"No need to apologize. We're just glad that you're all right," Riley reassured him.

"If there's anything you need, just let us know," Buchan chimed in a cheery voice.

"Forgive me for asking, but who are you?"

"This is Ed Buchan," Miles explained. "He's…well, there are really no words to describe what he does around here."

"I'm a special consultant on historical criminal profiling," Buchan corrected immediately while shooting Miles an annoyed look. Miles rolled his eyes upward in disdain at the self-important title that Buchan had given himself. "You'll find me in my office downstairs."

"There's an office down in the basement now? Isn't that where the old case files are stored?"

"Correct on both counts. Joe brought me in during the Ripper copycat murders because of my expertise on the subject matter."

Miles snorted derisively in response. "Expertise? You were giving Ripper walking tours around Whitechapel before coming here."

"AS I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I convinced Joe that we could use historical cases from the past to help solve cases in the present time. And it has worked on more than one occasion, I might add."

"Things have really changed around here," Kent murmured to himself.

The previous DI would never have used such unorthodox methods to solve their cases. He and the group as a whole were too set in their ways to try anything different. Bringing in an outsider, a civilian no less, to help with a case was unheard of. Things were always done a certain way and nothing would ever change that. Or so he thought. Now, by all appearances, the group seemed more organized and had the appearance of being professionals, just like the detectives in the main office. Even the office was neat and tidy which was nothing short of a miracle. Was the DI responsible for all the changes?

"By the way Kent, the boss wants to see you."

Kent nodded in acknowledgement, and gulped nervously before entering Chandler's office. Something about the tall golden-haired, blue-eyed detective inspector made him uneasy. Not in a bad way that made Kent fear him, but because Chandler seemed imposing and just so…perfect.

"Excuse me sir. DS Miles said that you wanted to see me."

"Yes, I did. Please sit down, Kent."

"Did I do something wrong?"

Chandler was visibly surprised. "No, of course not. Why do you automatically assume that you're at fault?"

"I figured that I must have done something to make you call me into your office."

"I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. I've been saying that ever since the night you came to visit me in the hospital."

"Is that how you're really feeling? Or are you just telling me that because you think it's what I want to hear?" Chandler replied intuitively.

"I guess I'm not a very good actor," Kent admitted. "Does it really show that much?"

"It's to be expected after what you've gone through. You've experienced two significant head injuries and lost your memories of the last five years. I would have to have the sensitivity of skunk not to notice you would feel hesitant."

"I'm surprised you saw through me."

"Why?"

"Because Skip said that when it comes to social situations, that's not really your comfort zone."

Kent immediately regretted opening his mouth as he saw the expression on Chandler's face. He could have kicked himself for talking to the DI like that.

"He's right. It isn't my comfort zone. But it doesn't mean that I'm not without feelings. It can't be easy for you to come back and find that everything you're accustomed to has changed."

"You're very observant, sir."

"That's because I've experienced it first-hand myself. I know what it's like to feel out of place like a fish out of water. When I first came here, everyone thought I wouldn't last and that I didn't know what I was doing. For a while, I felt exactly the same way. Even Miles hated my guts. It took a long time before I was accepted by the group."

"You wouldn't know that by looking at you now. The detective sergeant respects you very much. I can tell. He's not easy to win over."

"You respect him as well, don't you?" Chandler replied softly.

"He was my first boss when I came out of the academy. I owe him a lot for teaching me the ropes and looking out for me."

Chandler was silent. He couldn't believe that he was feeling envious of the closeness Miles shared with Kent. Logically it made sense. Miles had been his mentor long before Chandler came into the picture. But still, it didn't change how Chandler felt about the situation. Admittedly, he liked how Kent would always come to him first whenever he had any new updates or had an idea he wanted to run by Chandler. It was like he needed validation and reassurance from him. Kent had trusted him so implicitly and without any shred of doubt. If Chandler told him to go jump in a lake, he was almost certain that Kent would have done it with no questions asked. And he could always count on Kent to volunteer for a task that no one else wanted to do. At times when he lost confidence during a difficult case, Kent was there to lift up his spirits without fail. His faith in Chandler was flattering and humbling at the same time. But that was before. Now, things were very different.

"Did I say something to offend you?" Kent asked in confusion when he noticed that the DI had not said a word in response.

"No, it's nothing. You'd better get going since it's late. Riley and Mansell can help you get up to speed on our case work. If you have any questions, just direct it to them or DS Miles."

"Yes, sir."

"Kent, just one more thing. My door is always open if you ever want to talk."

A familiar warmth crept into Kent's heart which left him feeling dazed and confused. Where had he experienced this feeling before? For all intents and purposes, he had just met the DI. It made Kent wonder just how close was their relationship prior to his injury. Instead of dwelling on these thoughts and emotions, he quickly left the office before they threatened to consume him.

_To be continued_

* * *

_Uploaded: 08Feb2015_

_AN: Fun Fact: This is the 13th story I've written about Chandler/Kent. I better not have jinxed myself!_


	4. Chapter 4

No long speeches. Just a heartfelt thank you for your comments, reviews, and for continuing to support this work by reading. Enjoy the next installment!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Whitechapel.

Chapter 4:

* * *

Chandler looked up from his desk and surveyed the incident room immediately noticing Kent's absence. Three weeks had passed since his return from the hospital, but he was nowhere closer to retrieving his memories of the past five years. Despite the group's efforts to fill in the gaps and missing pieces, nothing triggered anything close to a recollection. It wasn't any surprise that Kent's memory loss coincided with the period where Chandler came into his life. He had no doubt that Kent was subconsciously blocking that part of life to avoid dealing with the pain of Chandler's rejection. It was sad and ironic at the same time. As if by magic or divine intervention, the slate had been wiped clean between them and Chandler didn't have to worry about their complicated relationship.

But it had come at a steep price. The Kent that he knew and had come to respect was no longer there. Kent was a shell of his former self as far as Chandler was concerned. The confidence and experience he had exhibited over the past five years was nowhere to be found. Chandler found himself missing his proactive nature, his contributions, and even his demeanor. Usually during their case meetings, Kent would always be the first to volunteer to take on a more challenging task or rather a task that no one else wanted to do. Kent didn't hesitate to interject his opinions and theories because he wanted to be a good detective and emulate Chandler's example. But now, he stayed silent most of the time unless he was spoken to, choosing instead to stay in the background and just be an observer rather than an active participant. It was like the fire that drove Kent to be a better detective had extinguished. It made Chandler's heart heavy to know that he was responsible for Kent's condition. He would have given up his badge if it would bring back Kent's memories in spite of their personal issues. Even though it would be difficult and there were no guarantees of the future, he had to do everything in his power to help Kent regain his memories. He just had to.

When he could stand it any longer, Chandler got up and headed to the spot that Miles said Kent would go to when things got too much for him in the past. He was rewarded for his hunch when found the younger man slumped against the wall in the back of the building looking up into the grey sky with a lost look on his face. Chandler's heart tightened painfully as he regarded Kent from a distance. He knew that he could have unlocked those memories Kent was searching for, but he didn't want to make things worse in the event that Kent reacted badly, thus making the situation worse than it already was for him. Chandler decided on caution and waited for a few moments before approaching him.

"Kent?" he asked gently.

"Sir, what are you doing out here?" Kent asked, immediately on guard.

"I was just about to ask you that same question. Mind if I join you?"

Kent shook his from head side to side to indicate that Chandler had permission to stay. He had wanted a moment alone to relieve some of the tension that had built up ever since he came back to work. He didn't expect the boss to come looking for him. Was he going to read him the riot act for goofing off on the job? Chandler closed the gap between them and stood beside his DC. Several moments passed where neither of them made the first move to say what was on their minds. Finally, Chandler broke the awkward silence.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Kent. It's okay to feel the way you're feeling."

"With all due respect, you have no idea what I'm feeling or what I'm going through."

"Then why don't you try telling me so I can understand? I'm a pretty good listener."

Kent waited for a few moments as he contemplated letting the DI into his confidence.

"I feel…lost. All the people I knew from before aren't here anymore. McCormack is dead, Fitzgerald was discharged, and Sanders transferred to another district. The only person I really know is DS Miles. Everyone else is just a mental blur. People keep telling me that I used to say this or I did things a certain way. But it's all a blank to me. Even the way I look isn't what everyone is used to. I'm supposed to act and look a certain way, but that's not me. At least not the me that I can remember now."

"You have to have faith that your memory will come back. It's only been three weeks. Give it some time."

"What if it never comes back?" Kent asked directly.

"We'll deal with that issue later if that is what the future has in store for us. Don't give up now."

"Why shouldn't I? It's not like I had very much to begin with."

"Because that's not like you," Chandler replied softly. "I know you don't remember this, but when you got striped, you didn't let the enemy stop you from coming back to work even though you hadn't completely healed yet. They tried to intimidate you but you wouldn't give in to them. You're a fighter, Kent. Don't ever forget that."

Kent looked up at him and saw genuine concern. Chandler wasn't comforting him just because he was his boss and it was his duty. He was doing it because he cared.

"That doesn't sound like something that I would do."

"I can assure you that you did exactly that."

"I wish I could remember that. I wish I could remember a lot of things," the younger detective replied wistfully.

"Well, I have lots of things I wish I could forget. Maybe we could trade?"

"I would trade everything I had if I could get the last five years of my life back."

Chandler felt his heart stir as he heard the hopelessness reflected in Kent's voice.

"I wish I could tell you that everything will be all right. I wish I could tell you that this is only temporary. But I can't. What I can tell you is that you don't have to let this situation dictate how you live the rest of your life."

"It's just so frustrating. It's like there's this locked box of memories tucked away inside of my head and I don't know where the key is. My life is being held hostage and I can't do a single damn thing about it. I'm afraid of what the future holds."

"Listen to me, Kent. We all feel lost when we're not in control. It happens to everyone from time to time."

"Even you?"

"Especially me. But you're lucky to have a strong support system behind you. You have your family and friends. You have the entire team behind you. And you also have me," Chandler finished softly.

"Why are you being so nice to me, sir?"

"Is that a crime?" Chandler replied softly, allowing a small grin.

"It's just that I was never this close with the previous DI. I could never talk to him like this. Why is it that I can speak to you so freely about what's bothering me?"

"You used to do it all the time. Whenever you were troubled about a case, you would come to me whenever you felt uneasy."

"Really?"

"Really. Kent, I meant what I said about my door always being open if you ever want to talk or if you just want someone to listen to you. I'm here for you."

Kent smiled in response. Strangely enough, he felt as though a great burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. And all it took was a few simple words of encouragement from his DI.

"Thank you, sir," Kent replied softly.

Chandler felt his heart strings being tugged at after seeing Kent's brilliant smile once again. If felt like ages since he looked at him that way. Out of everything Chandler missed, it was the closeness and familiarity they had with each that he missed the most. Strange how you notice the little things once they're no longer there.

"You're welcome. Shall we go back inside?"

The younger detective nodded affirmatively. Unfortunately, as he turned to leave, he felt light-headed and tripped on the uneven cobblestone surface, tumbling forward and right into Chandler's arms. Kent landed with a distinct thud, knocking the breath out of him. He looked up into Chandler's eyes, immediately mesmerized by the brilliant blue hue. The feel of the strong muscled chest beneath Kent's fingers as he steadied himself caused the blood to rush to his face in embarrassment. Now that Kent got a closer look at Chandler, he could see that the DI was very distinguished looking. Handsome was more like it. Everything from the gold tresses that never had a lock of hair out of place, down to the tips of his expensive shoes, everything about Chandler reeked of style and elegance. Kent never felt so dumbstruck by any man before in his life.

Chandler, too was experiencing the same confusing feelings as he looked down at his junior officer. Perhaps he had been dense or oblivious, or a combination of both, but he had never noticed just how striking Kent was. Of course, he had never been this up close to him before, but it didn't take away the fascination. From the defined, almost delicate bone structure of his cheeks, to the long fringed lashes of his brown eyes that seemed too big for his face, one could say that Kent was quite attractive. His pale porcelain like skin seemed unnatural for a man. What was the most definitive facial feature were his lips. They were pink, slightly full and almost pouty. Chandler wondered what it would feel like to touch them.

"Hang about! What the hell was I just thinking?" Chandler and Kent both thought silently to themselves as they came out of their individual dazes.

"Are you all right?" Chandler asked, after gathering his composure.

"Yeah, fine. Guess I'm a little clumsy today," Kent replied as pulled away. "I'll head off first. I want to stop by Buchan's office."

He quickly made his way back inside the building without looking back. In spite of Kent's memory loss, one thing was becoming evidently clear. Chandler still had the ability to affect Kent. To Chandler's dismay, he was beginning to realize that it wasn't exactly a way one street either.

* * *

Kent opened the door into the office and tried not to blush when he heard a few teasing wolf whistles and cat calls as he entered the room dressed in a dark blue suit with a matching tie and black dress shoes. He decided to forsake the hair gel, choosing to let his hair go au natural with his naturally curly locks and shed his previous casual attire. In fact, he was looking quite handsome. After his encounter with Chandler in the back lot, Kent found himself wanting to dress like the others and to blend in with the group. Besides, for some reason he had more suits than he knew what to do with. It made him feel more connected as well more professional. Little by little, he was getting more comfortable with the new system and chain of command. And he was getting more comfortable with Chandler. In fact, he found that he was very comfortable talking with the DI.

Ever since his heart to heart conversation with Chandler, Kent was starting to get flashes of various mental images that he had no previous recollection of. Admittedly, there were a few that left him with chills down his back and made him wake up in a cold sweat. Dark shadows with nameless voices were often accompanied by images of gruesome murder scenes. But there were also images of more pleasant happier times such as group outings to the pub, birthday celebrations, and even a wedding. Much to his surprise, many of those images involved Chandler. As much as Kent wanted to know the reason, he couldn't very well ask him why this was the case. He was too embarrassed to ask the older man just exactly what their previous relationship had been in light of their recent close encounter. Whenever Kent recalled that moment when he literally fell into Chandler's arms, he could still feel the warmth and strength of the older man's embrace as he steadied him. Just the mere thought sent the blood rushing through his veins in anticipation.

Kent mentally slapped himself to focus back on work and immediately headed to the corner to fix his usual morning cup of tea. Mansell headed over and put his mug next to his, hoping his co-worker would also do the same for him. Kent rolled his eyes in exasperation. What was he? His maid? With a silent sigh of resignation, he fulfilled the older DC's request.

"Wow! Look at you. Got a hot date tonight?" Mansell teased.

"Not that it's any of your business, I just thought I should start dressing nicer. Anything wrong with that?"

"Not at all. Are you sure you didn't do it to get the attention of a particular person?" Mansell hinted.

He yelped in pain when a pen hit him in on the back of his head with considerable force from behind. He turned to look at Riley who gave Mansell a look that shot daggers, warning him to keep his mouth shut.

"Who are you talking about?" Kent asked in confusion.

"Nothing. I was just teasing."

"You certainly have a weird sense of humor."

"Kent, have you finished the background checks the boss asked about yesterday?" Miles asked from his desk.

"Yes, sir. Shall I give my report to you or put it on the DI's desk?"

"Why don't you give it him yourself?" the older detective suggested. "After all, you did the work."

As soon as Kent was out of earshot, Mansell stormed over to Riley's desk. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"To stop you from making a stupid mistake. You seem to be really good at that."

"What did I do now?"

"Idiot. If Kent discovered that he had a thing for the boss, it could affect his recovery. Who knows how he'll react to the news."

"Come on. It's just a matter of time. Besides, we all know how he feels about him. He should know better than anyone, even with his amnesia."

"He doesn't need to find out in that half-cocked way. If he does remember, then it should be on his own terms."

"What the hell? DS Miles just did the exact same thing that I did. Why doesn't he get a lecture?"

"Because unlike you, I did it in a subtle classy way," Miles responded without looking up from his desk and not missing a beat of the conversation.

* * *

Chandler's eyes lit up when he saw Kent's change in appearance as the younger man entered his office.

"Here you go, sir. It's the information you wanted on the suspects in the Stalker case."

"Thank you, Kent. It's nice to see you back to your usual self."

"Only on the outside. To be honest, I never thought I looked good in a suit and tie. But it does make me feel like I'm a part of the group."

"You always were, Kent. That never changed."

"I'm finally starting to feel like things are getting back to some sense of normality."

Chandler agreed wholeheartedly. "I'm very glad to hear that. You should wear your hair in that style more often. It suits you."

"Are you saying that you like my hair this way?" Kent replied in surprise.

It was then that Chandler realized that his compliment on Kent's appearance could be misconstrued as romantic interest. What the hell was wrong with him? Had he lost all common sense?

"You look more professional, that's all," the older man replied hastily. "Do whatever you want."

Chandler turned his attention to the report Kent had just given to him to avoid his gaze. Kent returned to his desk and sat down pausing for a moment to enjoy the compliment he had just received. He ended up smiling the rest of the day.

_To be continued_

* * *

_Uploaded 11Feb2015_

_AN: Even amnesia can't stop Kent from falling for Chandler again :)_


	5. Chapter 5

Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Happy Lunar New Year!)

Hope you have been waiting patiently for the next installment. But it's not like you had a choice, right :P

Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Ah, you know I don't own WHITECHAPEL.

**Chapter 5:**

* * *

"Hey, little brother. What's up?"

"Erica? What are you doing here at work? Stalking me?"

"Like I have nothing else better to do," his older twin sibling scoffed. "Besides, it's after work. I'm here because I happen to have a date."

"With who?" Kent replied curiously.

Mansell came over to give his girlfriend a fond peck on the cheek. Kent breathed a sigh of relief internally. For a split second, he was afraid that the mystery man was Chandler.

"You're dating Mansell? Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Well, it kind of got lost in the whole, 'my brother has amnesia' thing. And I was going to tell you…eventually. Are you mad?"

"Should I be?"

"Well, you weren't exactly on board with the whole thing in the beginning."

"I guess if he makes you happy, I have no complaints. It's not like I can remember why I felt that way in the first place."

Mansell and Erica exchanged a look of relief. It could have gotten really ugly if the past was brought up. Especially with Mansell punching Kent for interfering in their courtship in the early stages.

"Finley, we have some time before the movie, right?"

"Yeah. At least half an hour. What did you have in mind?" he asked suggestively.

"A quick drink. Come join us, Em."

"And be the third wheel? No thank you. The idea of seeing my sister and my co-worker making goo-goo eyes at each other is not my idea of relaxing. Haven't I been through enough?"

"Now tell us how you really feel," Mansell replied sarcastically.

"Come on. We don't get to spend time together enough as it is. Please?" Erica pleaded insistently.

Kent hesitated as he took a surreptitious glance over at Chandler's office where the boss was sitting looking over some historical files that Buchan had given him. Ever since Chandler made a compliment on Kent's appearance, he stopped checking up on him to see how he was. Conversation was limited to case related work and there was no idle chitchat. At first Kent surmised that he was just being overly sensitive. After all, the DI had other matters to attend to. He certainly didn't have a monopoly on the boss' affections. But it wasn't Kent's imagination that Chandler was avoiding him. Kent couldn't understand why the sudden change. Perhaps putting some space between them right now wasn't such a bad idea.

"All right. But just one drink. Give me a minute to get my things."

"What are you up to Erica?" Mansell whispered the moment Kent was out of earshot.

"Who? Me?" she replied in false innocence.

"You ARE up to something aren't you? Come on. Out with it."

"Oh, all right Mr. Smarty Pants detective. If you must know, I set Em up on a blind date."

"Are you crazy? You know that he has a thing for Chandler."

"And look what that got him. He's waited long enough. Now is his chance to find someone who will appreciate him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated."

"Spoken like a protective sister. There's just one problem. What if Emerson does find someone else and then his memory comes back? How do you think he'll feel then?"

"I hadn't really thought of that. I didn't want to make things worse for my brother. I meant well."

"I know you did," Mansell replied softly. "It's still not too late to cancel."

"But Michael is already waiting for us at the pub. I can't just tell him to leave. Look, I'll just introduce them and let Em take it from there. There's no harm in that, right?"

Mansell gave a doubtful expression in response. He didn't like this one bit.

* * *

"Well it's about bloody time. Where did you run off to?" Erica demanded when Kent called her later that night. "Do you know how worried I was?"

"Yeah right. Worried that you wouldn't get all the juicy details. And by the way, thanks for ambushing me with your friend. You knew that I couldn't refuse the bloke since he made the effort to go through with the blind date."

"What's the problem? I thought he was really into you."

"THAT was the problem."

"Tell me everything. Leave out no details, no matter how trivial."

"It started out great. He bought me a drink, chatted me up, and said I was cute. He took me outside and kissed me."

"I fail to see the problem so far."

"Then he asked me to go back with him to his place."

"Wow! He really is keen on you. Wait a minute. Why are you talking to me when you should be making a wonderful memory with him?"

"Maybe because I'm at home alone."

"Did he try to force you to…?"

"No, he was a perfect gentleman. I wanted to go through it. I even went to his flat, but I just couldn't do it."

"I thought that he was your type."

"He's exactly the kind of person I go for. I can't explain it, but it felt like…like I was being unfaithful. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

Erica now realized just how strong her brother's feelings for Chandler had been. How strong they still were.

"No, it doesn't sound crazy at all. Em, I'm sorry I pushed you into going tonight. I just wanted you to have some fun again after everything you've been through."

"That's ok. I appreciate the thought, anyway. You know, it made me realize something. All night long I kept thinking about someone else. I don't how it's possible, but I think I'm getting a crush on my boss."

"Oh Em, no. Not again."

"What do you mean again?"

"Um, I just meant that you don't want to go through another broken heart like you did before," she replied quickly.

"That was an entirely different situation. Alan never really loved me. He went out with me just to spite his parents."

"You still got hurt, didn't you?"

"That was a long time ago and I was naive. It's different now."

"Is it?"

"YES, it is. It's not all one-sided this time. I think that the DI feels the same way that I do."

"Did he actually tell you that?"

"Well, not in so many words."

"Then how do you know for sure that he shares your feelings? How do you know that isn't just wishful thinking on your part?"

"It's just…just a feeling. I know that he's my boss and we're as different as night and day, but I can't help the way that I feel. Maybe he's the one."

"Please don't get your hopes up, Em. This is all happening so quickly. There's no need to rush into things."

"I thought you were on my side. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I do. But I also don't want to see you get hurt and disappointed again. You're my brother. My twin. What affect you affects me."

"I appreciate the concern but I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself. I'm not a child. And I wish everyone would stop treating me like one."

"Just promise me that you won't jump into anything without thinking it over. Finley said that Chandler is not big on relationships. And he's been involved with women in the past. You would be fighting another uphill battle trying to win his affections."

"I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight 'sis," Kent replied quickly before hanging up.

Sleep eluded him that night as his twin sibling's warning echoed in his head. As he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, his mind kept going around in circles. Had he made a mistake in thinking that Chandler shared the same feelings as he did? Did he just imagine it? After all, he didn't really know the DI that well until recently. What if Chandler didn't really feel the same way about him? Kent couldn't stand not knowing. Something had to done before he fell in too deep, before it was too late.

* * *

"It's no good you know."

Chandler stared at Miles with a puzzled look on his face. "What are you talking about?"

"Sir, I've known you five years now. Six, counting this year. You know that you can't hide anything from me so don't even try."

"I repeat, what in the world are you rambling on about?"

"I'm talking about this little mind game you're playing with Kent."

"I'm doing nothing of the sort. And I resent you making the implication that I would do something so insidious."

"Ever since Kent came back to work, you two have been as thick as thieves and are practically inseparable. You've paid more attention to him now than you ever did prior to his amnesia. And now all of a sudden, you've cut him off like he had some sort of contagious disease. It begs to ask the question of what exactly are your intentions."

"I think you better stop right now before I say something I may regret," Chandler warned in a stern voice. He was not in the mood to discuss this part of his private life with Miles. "I'm not on the witness stand and I haven't done anything wrong."

"Not yet anyway. Hey, I told you before that nobody here cares what goes on when it's clocking off time. If you feel anything for Kent, more power to you. Better late than never. But I'm warning you right now. You better not be setting him up for a hard fall. He's basically lost the last five years of his life through no fault of his own. It would be just plain cruel allowing him to develop feelings for you again only to have his heart broken if you don't intend on seeing it through. Kent doesn't deserve that after everything he's been through."

"I'm just trying to do the right thing," Chandler reasoned. His answer was more to convince himself rather than to convince Miles. "All I'm doing is helping Kent cope with the transition back into the present time. Isn't that what you nagged me to do before?"

"I didn't want you to lead him on and make him think there was something more between you two unless you were really starting to fancy him. If you're not serious, then don't toy with his affections. Don't give him the false hope that there's a possibility of future with you. Otherwise you're just being selfish."

Chandler turned away as the sting of Miles' reprimand struck him to the very core of his soul. As much as he hated to admit that he was wrong, Miles had rightly called him out on his behavior. He WAS being selfish for wanting things to return to the way they were before. Or to be more precise, the way things were before his relationship with Kent got so complicated. How did the situation get out of control? One minute they were having a heartfelt talk, and the next minute they were in each other's arms. They had been close enough to feel each other's breath. Even close enough to…From the beginning, Chandler never intended to give Kent the wrong impression. But that was before he started getting close to his junior officer and got to know him on a more personal level. He was starting to feel emotions that had been put into hibernation ever since Morgan died. In the beginning, Chandler convinced himself that he was just trying to help Kent, not considering the ramifications it would bring. Perhaps it was compensation to assuage the guilt he felt for his role in Kent's memory loss. Or perhaps it was something much more. All he knew was that the more time he spent with Kent, the deeper he was falling for the younger detective against his better judgment. That thought alone scared him half to death.

As Miles observed Chandler's reaction, he could see the conflict in him as reflected by the DI's body language. He knew that he stepped out of line by calling out Chandler on his behavior, but if he didn't, no one else would. Besides, they had been through too much together to let a few hurtful words break up their friendship. Miles had always felt that Kent, although a very capable detective, lacked confidence and drive. He was glad to see the growth and maturity in the young detective constable over the recent years. It was no coincidence that Chandler was a big reason for those changes. But when Miles saw the way the wind was blowing between them recently, he knew that he had to step in and intervene.

"You don't have to worry. I'm not leading him on," Chandler replied before turning back to face his detective sergeant. "In fact, I've been trying to discourage him for the past week by keeping my distance. But it doesn't seem to be working. I don't get it Miles. I've known Kent all these years and I never once saw him as someone I would get involved with. Why would I feel any differently now?"

"Perhaps because for the first time you're seeing him as a person and not just a junior officer."

"I've always seen Kent as a person," Chandler replied indignantly.

"Not entirely. If you did, you would have known that he's admired you for a long time. Either that, or you think he's beneath your standards and just not good enough for you."

"That's not how I see him!" Chandler denied vehemently. "I'm not an elitist snob."

"Face it. You would always be concerned with appearances and how it would affect your career. He would always come in second with you."

"That's a terrible thing to say, Miles. I thought you knew me better than that. I'm not the same man that came to Whitechapel five years ago. I have changed."

"I'm not saying you haven't. But to be honest, you've never fully committed yourself to anyone in the time that I've known you. Ever since Morgan's death, you've sworn off any attempts even remotely close at a relationship. How is anyone going to stand a chance with you the way things are? That's why you can't allow Kent to get the impression that you're interested if you have no intention of making it work with him."

"And what if I do?" Chandler asked quietly.

The sudden knock on the door made the two senior detectives to turn their heads.

"I was wondering if I could speak with the boss for a moment," Kent said as he poked his head through the door.

"He's all yours," Miles answered before Chandler could protest. "I've said all I've needed to say."

"Did I interrupt something important?" Kent asked when they were left alone behind closed doors.

"No, we were finished anyway. What is it?"

"You said that if I ever needed to talk with you that I was welcome anytime. Did you mean that?"

"I always mean what I say. What's troubling you, Kent?"

"Well, um…I was wondering something for a while now and you're the only who can give me the answer," Kent replied. He swallowed nervously while lowering his gaze to the floor, trying to find the right words. After what seemed like an eternity, Kent raised his head and looked directly into Chandler's eyes.

"Do you have any feelings for me?"

_To Be Continued_

* * *

_Uploaded on: 19Feb2015_

_AN: Chandler is so confused, isn't he? I think he would be feeling a lot of conflict right now at this stage in the story. He's lost control of his emotions, and doesn't know what he wants. Will he give it up for a chance to be with Kent?_


	6. Chapter 6

Ah, sorry for the delay! I've been working feverishly to update. Enjoy the next installment!

Many thanks as always for reading and reviewing. Your comments really do help me as the writer to see various angles I never thought of.

DISCLAIMER: Blah, blah, blah, DO NOT OWN WHITECHAPEL, blah, blah, blah.

**Chapter 6:**

* * *

_"Do you have any feelings for me?"_

"I…I beg your pardon?" Chandler croaked in reply as was blindsided by Kent's direct and unexpected question.

"I meant, was there something going on between us before my accident?"

"This question isn't appropriate. We shouldn't be discussing this at work."

"But this does affect our work. I realize how crazy this all must sound. I hardly can believe it myself, but…well, ever since I returned to Whitechapel, I've been trying to find my way through the maze of my lost memories. When I thought no one understood what I was going through, you reached out to me. When I wanted to give up, you encouraged me to keep fighting through it. You tried to help me. No one here, except DS Miles, has ever supported me the way you have. I don't think I would have coped without you."

"You're exaggerating. I was just doing what any person would do under the circumstances," Chandler replied uncomfortably.

"You went above and beyond what any other person in your position would do. The fact that you did it while probably being out of your comfort level makes it all the more admirable. Why would you do all of that if we didn't have a relationship with each other?"

"Kent, that's enough. You don't know what you're saying. You've been under a lot of emotional stress and it's making you act irrationally."

"No. This can't be happening. Not again," Chandler thought to himself as he panicked. He wasn't prepared for this.

"What I feel isn't irrational. I may have lost my memories, but my heart is still remembers. I know this might not be the best time to bring this up, but I know that what I'm feeling isn't my imagination. When you caught me after I tripped and held me in your arms, I could feel your heart beating so loudly. I felt the same way. But I don't want to just assume that your feelings are mutual. I want to hear it directly from your own lips. I want to know how you feel about me."

Chandler was at a loss for words. He certainly didn't expect such directness coming from Kent. He spoke so freely and with such conviction. There was no fear or hesitation in his voice as he spoke from the heart. It was not surprising since Kent couldn't remember how deeply he felt for Chandler to begin with, or how hurt he had felt when he was rejected. It was like he had nothing to lose.

"Can I give you my answer later? I really don't feel like airing out our business in front of an audience."

Kent turned to look out the window and saw quite a few people looking on unashamedly.

"I see what you mean. I'll come back when everyone's clocked off. I hope you'll have an answer for me by then, sir."

Chandler sat down after Kent left his office and looked up at the clock on the wall. He had several hours before he would have to give Kent his answer. Each tick of the clock seemed to get louder and louder with each passing hour reminding Chandler of his impending meeting. Would this day never end?

* * *

Kent slowly approached Chandler's office after the last of the staff left for the evening. He found the older man looking outside the window with a faraway look on his face. His hands were shoved inside his trouser pockets as the tension resonating from his body was palpable. It was like he was fighting an inner battle within himself.

"There's no one around except the two of us now."

Chandler slowly turned to face Kent as the younger detective walked up and stood next to him by the window.

"It would appear so."

"You don't have to be anxious. I'm as harmless as a fly."

"That's not entirely true. You don't realize how much influence you hold over those around you, Kent."

The younger man's eyes widened in surprise at Chandler's honest admission. Kent quickly re-focused on the mission at hand. He was not going to leave until he got an answer from Chandler.

"You've had time to think about your answer, sir. So I'll ask again, what exactly was our relationship in the past? Did we mean something to each other? Or were we just friends?"

Chandler took a long deep breath to calm his nerves. He decided that he wasn't going to mislead Kent anymore. Miles' message had finally gotten through to him.

"We didn't have the kind of relationship you thought we had, Kent. We were just friends. Nothing more."

Kent looked visibly disappointed. He had been hoping for a much different answer. "Oh. I see."

"It's a little more complicated than that. When we were in the hospital the night you were injured on duty, you made a confession to me while I was visiting. You said that you liked me more than a just a friend."

"You mean I had feelings for you even before my amnesia?"

"Apparently, that was the case," Chandler replied softly. "I never knew until you told me that night."

Kent took a moment to digest this revelation. He certainly hadn't expected this development.

"That explains a lot of things. I guess that what I felt was just a carryover from the past. I take it you didn't share the same sentiment back then. Otherwise, we would have had a different outcome."

Chandler's eyes lowered slightly, unable to meet Kent's gaze.

"May I ask why?"

"There's something you need to know, Kent. I'm not this hero you seem to think I am. Far from it. And I'm not the kind of person who would be able to give you the kind of relationship you were looking for. To be frank, I've had a rotten track record with relationships in the past as well as a ton of personal baggage I carry with me as well. I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with."

"You don't have to make excuses on my account. If I'm not your type, then just say so."

Chandler immediately raised his head to look into Kent's eyes. "I'm not making excuses. I was only thinking of what's best for everyone."

"Don't you mean what's best for you?" Kent replied observantly.

"Perhaps," Chandler admitted reluctantly. "All my life, I've always taken the easy way out when it came to personal relationships. The truth is, I've always liked you, but…"

"But just not in that way."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, sir," Kent replied softly. "I would never want to force you to do anything that you didn't want to do. Thank you for being honest with me and setting the record straight. I'll never bother you about this matter again."

"I do care about you," Chandler pleaded urgently. "I wanted to be there for you and help you get through the rough transition after your injury. I didn't do it out of a sense of duty. You have to believe me."

"I don't doubt your sincerity, sir. Otherwise, you wouldn't be trying so hard to convince me. Don't worry. I'm not mad or even upset. But I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed."

"Kent, we…we're still friends, aren't we?"

"From the way things stand, that's all we'll ever be," Kent replied poignantly.

Chandler stared after the younger man as he left his office. He should have felt relieved that the truth was out and he didn't have to pretend anymore. But he only felt emptiness and regret. Chandler stared at the mug filled with his favorite tea that had gone cold, as it rested on his desk. It took every ounce of effort to keep himself from hurling it against the wall in frustration.

* * *

"Finley, what's this I hear about Kent dating?" Riley demanded.

"Don't yell at me. I'm just telling you what Erica told me. Apparently, they've been seeing each other for two weeks."

"I don't believe it. Kent wouldn't give up on Chandler. Not after all this time."

"Maybe he didn't have a choice. Haven't you noticed our eager puppy hasn't been following our fearless leader around anymore? Something must have happened between them. You'd think he would have told one of us."

"Well it's not like we were ever that close enough that Kent would come to us for something as personal as that. Now that I think of it, he really didn't have anyone he could go to besides Erica."

"Yeah. I guess you're right," Mansell replied, feeling a sudden pang of empathy for his younger fellow DC. Over the years, he and Riley had struck up a natural friendship with each other with Kent being the usual target of their good-natured teasing. It never occurred to him until now that Kent might feel like the odd one out.

"I never thought it was possible that he would have eyes for anyone else. Kent is the most loyal person I know."

"Maybe the old Kent wouldn't have done that, but not anymore. From what Erica told me, he now knows that he had feelings for the boss before his amnesia. Apparently, so does Chandler."

"And Kent is still is dating someone else?" Riley replied in disbelief.

"You can't really blame him. Maybe he realized that it was a hopeless situation and decided to move on."

"This is all messed up. Even if Kent gets his memory back, it won't change anything. He's going to feel worse now than ever before."

"You mean IF he gets his memory back. The way things are going, maybe it's better this way. At least he has the consolation of a new love interest."

"Mansell! Didn't I tell you ten minutes ago to go interview Cecily Thompson?" Chandler barked angrily from the doorway of his office.

"Yes, sir. I was just on my way," Mansell replied quickly making his exit. Lately, Chandler was being more demanding and short-tempered than usual and Mansell didn't want to be on the receiving end of another verbal chastising.

"Riley, did you get any information on Cecily's ex-husband yet?"

"I'm afraid not, sir. I'm still waiting to hear from forensics to see if the fingerprints on the victim match his."

"If you and Mansell had spent more time doing actual work instead of gossiping, maybe the two of you would have been able to do what I asked," the DI replied icily before returning to his desk, closing the door behind him.

"DS Miles, can't you do something about the boss?" Riley asked Miles. "It can't keep going on like this. He's becoming unbearable."

"I don't know if this is something I should stick my nose in."

"Since when has that ever stopped you before?"

"It's different this time, Meg. Chandler has to work this one out on his own. Let's hope he figures it out. For all of our sakes."

* * *

"Are you all right Emerson?"

"I'm sorry Michael. What were you saying?" Kent asked after snapping out of his daze. The man sitting across the table looked at him with concern in his green eyes as he reached over to clasp Kent's fingers in his.

"I asked if you were all right. You've been really distant lately. Was it something I did?"

Kent smiled apologetically at his companion. After realizing that Chandler had no romantic interest in him, he decided to ask his blind date that Erica had set him up with previously, for a second chance with him. Although it had been difficult at first, he was glad that he made the decision to move on. He was never one to wallow in self-pity for very long. The sooner Kent moved past the whole Chandler issue, the sooner he could move on with his life.

"No, you didn't do anything. Things have been a little crazy at work lately. That's all. The head boss has been in a bad mood and is taking it out on everyone. I'm glad you asked me to join you for lunch today. It was getting to be too much and I needed to get out of there for a bit."

The other man smiled in relief and then sympathy.

"Oh good. I mean, I'm sorry that you're having a rough go of it, but I'm glad it's not because you're unhappy with us being together."

"I haven't given you the impression that I'm unsatisfied, have I?"

"I can't tell. Even though you said you wanted to try again, I keep getting the feeling that I'm just a consolation prize."

"How could you even think that?" Kent replied, slightly hurt.

"Well, for one thing, you still haven't spent the night with me yet."

Kent moved his hand away abruptly. "I thought you said you were looking for a meaningful relationship when I asked for a second chance. If you just wanted someone to warm your bed, you should have said so in the first place. I'm sure there are plenty of other willing bodies who can easily take my place."

"Em, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"Is that the only reason you agreed to go out with me? Just so you could f**k me?"

"This isn't about us. Who are you really angry at Emerson? Me? Or him?"

"I'm in no mood to play games. Who the hell are you talking about?"

"The guy that still has got a hold on you. You wouldn't be this touchy if you weren't still hung up on him."

"I told you that there's nothing between us. There never was and there never will be. And I'm 'touchy' because my current boyfriend is being a jackass."

"I'm a jackass just because I want to make love to you? You're nothing but a walking contradiction, Emerson. You say you want a fresh start, but you keep hanging on to the past. If you weren't, we'd be having lunch in bed."

"So you're saying I have to sleep with you in order to prove my affections and loyalty?"

"That's not what I meant."

"It's what you were thinking."

"I've seen this too many times in my profession. People are constantly in denial because they can't accept reality. Whether you want to believe it or not, it doesn't change the fact that you're not willing to let go of the past. That's why you won't commit to a physical relationship with me."

"That would make sense if I could remember the past," Kent replied curtly. "I haven't got time for this. I'm already late."

Michael's eyes followed Kent as he grabbed his coat and left the café in a huff.

"You're going to have to make a choice sooner or later," Michael replied softly.

* * *

"Do you have any idea of the time?" Chandler demanded when Kent rushed into his office where they were supposed to meet to go over some information he had extracted from viewing CCTV footage that was connected to their current murder case.

"I'm sorry, sir. Traffic was bad coming back from lunch."

"That's no excuse for being late. I expect better from my detective constables. I expect better from you."

"I SAID I was sorry," Kent replied tersely. "It couldn't be helped. Why have you been in such a bad mood lately?"

"Forget it. Just don't let it happen again."

"No. I'm not going to forget it," Kent replied stubbornly. He was still amped up over his argument with Michael and was not about to let this go either. "Something has obviously been bothering you for a while now. You've been behaving like a bear lately and snapping at everyone. I don't know if you've noticed, but everyone has been on edge because they don't know what will set you off. It's like you're mad at someone. Or perhaps, you're mad at me. That's it, isn't it?"

"That's enough. I won't have my subordinates talking back to me in this manner."

"You told me that we were friends. Is this how you treat a friend?"

"Look. There's a time and place for everything. Now is not the time to be bringing personal issues into the workplace."

"What's really bothering you, sir? Can't you tell me?" Kent asked in soft, coaxing voice.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," Chandler muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. We've already lost enough time with the lateness of the hour. Let's just move on. Show me what we've got on Cecily Thompson's ex-husband on the night of the murder."

Kent reluctantly, but wisely backed off when he realized that he wasn't going to get anywhere with Chandler when he was in this kind of mood. However, it didn't mean that Kent was going to forget either.

_To be continued_

* * *

_Uploaded on: 27Feb2015_

_A/N: I'm lonely. Someone talk to me. Just kidding. There are enough voices running around in my head as it is :)_


	7. Chapter 7

Lots happening in this chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 7:**

* * *

Chandler raised his head and looked out from the vantage point in his office as he did most times when he needed a mental break from his work. Most of the staff were laughing and chatting away, going about their business without a care in the world. How he envied them. They didn't have any heavy burden weighing on their shoulders. Despite the recent tension in the office, mostly due to Chandler's moodiness and bouts of short-tempered outbursts, the team was still able to share a moment of levity and relaxation during their break. He would have to make it up to them in the future. But right now, this was his mechanism for coping with his complicated situation with Kent. Chandler's blue eyes scanned the room until they found their target who was unknowingly the cause of all his frustration.

Kent was fixing himself his afternoon tea, looking very dapper in his favorite dark blue suit. Well, Chandler's favorite, anyway. The dark blue color contrasted sharply with Kent's angelic features, making him stand out even more. By all outward appearances, he didn't seem to have been affected after their heart to heart talk when Chandler in essence, told him that there was no chance of them having a romantic relationship with each other. In fact, he had been calm, rational, and exceptionally professional about the whole matter. Chandler couldn't help but wonder if Kent would have been as amenable if he hadn't lost his memories of the past five years. The fact that Kent was seeing someone else now proved that he had moved on without any repercussions. It had also signaled a merciful end to what was doomed to fail from the start. That's what Chandler kept telling himself over and over again.

"So why am I sitting here brooding like a scorned lover?" he thought to himself.

The situation was so aggravating. He wanted to be happy for Kent. He SHOULD have been happy for him. It was a chance for Kent to be free of the constraints of the past and have a future with someone who would cherish him, which he deserved. Anyone would be lucky to be with Kent. It was just…why did he have to move on so quickly? If Miles knew about Chandler's change of heart, he probably would have read him the riot act for the way he was acting. He was surprised the older detective hadn't given him another lecture yet. Chandler had come up with every excuse in the book to justify his decision to reject Kent. He even reasoned that they were probably anatomically incompatible, which showed how desperate he was at the time. But in spite of it all, he couldn't help feeling regret. Regret for hurting Kent and regret for his own sake for what he had lost. And what could have been.

Slowly, but surely, Kent was getting further and further away from Chandler now that his attention was focused on someone else. That was how it should have been in the first place. Looking back, he still believed it had been the right decision. Kent didn't need to be saddled down with an emotionally fragile invalid like himself. Kent was young and had his whole life ahead of him. He shouldn't have to deal with Chandler's issues on top of his own problems. It had been the right thing to do. But it didn't mean that Chandler had to like it. Kent chose that moment to look up over to Chandler's office and caught the DI staring at him intensely. The DI bristled in embarrassment and pretended to look down at paperwork that had nothing to do with work. Kent frowned. Something was definitely bugging Chandler lately. He was going to find out what it was this time.

* * *

"Ah, Kent. What brings you down to my lair?" Buchan cheerfully greeted his young visitor.

"Just returning some files the boss borrowed."

"Thank you very much. Why did he have you bring it down instead of himself?"

"I don't know. He's been acting weird lately."

"Well, that's Joe. When he takes something to heart, he really goes all in even to the point where it consumes his every thought. But don't mind him. Once a case is over, he returns to his usual self."

"Tell me something Buchan. You've known the boss longer than I have."

"To be precise, I've known him exactly as long as you have. But I get your point.

"Has he always had an aversion to relationships or is he just afraid of commitment?"

"Well, I'm no expert on the matter myself, but he wasn't always this way."

"Oh?"

"In the beginning he was focused entirely on work. You see, he was the new guy on the block and didn't necessarily win anyone over. Well, perhaps except for you. You were the only one that supported him whole-heartedly."

Kent felt that unfamiliar warmth stir in his heart again. "So what changed?"

"A couple of years ago, he started to make an effort to be more social in the dating field. If I recall correctly, there was a DI Norroy from Richmond who seemed to take a liking to Joe and vice versa."

"I take it that it didn't last very long."

"You would be correct. They had been working on a joint case, and from what Mansell told me, she basically gave Joe an ultimatum, making him choose sides. Needless to say, she wasn't thrilled with Joe's decision to side with Miles and left right in the middle of the case."

"She sounds like a bitch you ask me."

"Kent! I'm surprised at you," Buchan admonished.

"What?" Kent replied defensively. "I'm just basing my assessment on the facts presented. If this woman was so butt hurt that the DI would support his own detective sergeant in the middle of a case, then she probably wasn't a good fit for him anyway."

"Still, that's not an appropriate thing for you to say no matter how accurate."

"Sorry. Go on, then."

"Well, let me see. There was also my therapist Morgan Lamb. She was a victim during one of the more unusual cases. Joe seemed to take a liking to her."

"You were seeing a therapist?"

"Yes, well, we all go through rough times and need a little help," Buchan admitted quietly. "I was experiencing a lot of guilt for the victims we couldn't save and she was helping me to deal with those feelings and emotions."

"That must have been rough on you, being a civilian and not being used to police work. I hope you're doing better now."

Buchan smiled in gratitude. "Thank you, Kent."

"What I don't understand is, if the boss and this Morgan woman were doing so well together, why haven't I heard anything about her? I would have thought the gossip mongers would have plenty to talk about."

The other man became somber. "She died. To be precise, she was killed by the mother of the culprit behind several revenge murders. Joe was there after the fact and saw her body lying in a pool of blood. After that, he was never the same again."

"How awful for him. It's no wonder he doesn't want to get involved again."

"That's why work is so important to Joe. It's a place where he can take his mind off of his personal sorrows. That's kind of true for all of us in a way."

"But for some, it only makes life harder," Kent replied softly. He couldn't imagine how difficult it was for Chandler. It was bad enough to have to witness Morgan's dead lifeless body, but to have to come back to the scene of the crime every day at work must have been a grim and painful reminder for him.

"Too true. Let's talk about something a little less morbid, shall we? I've been meaning to ask you. How are you holding up these days? Have any parts of your memory returned?"

"I'm getting back bits and pieces here and there, but they still don't make any sense to me. It's a like a jigsaw puzzle. You see the random parts, but not the entire picture. But I'm not complaining. I have my health and my family and friends. Life is still good."

"That's a very healthy and positive outlook, Kent. And a very commendable one as well."

"Thanks. See you later."

* * *

When Kent returned to his desk, he decided to do a little research on what exactly happened during that case that had Chandler tied up in emotional knots. Besides, he was dying of curiosity. He rifled through the past case files in the cabinet and found the one he was looking for. The culprit was Nick Watney. To avenge the injustice he felt on his father's behalf, he decided to play judge, jury, and executioner by meting out justice to those who had contributed to his father's untimely death. Apparently, his mother blamed Morgan for Nick's death after being chased down by Chandler and Miles, and subsequently killed her right in the station. It wasn't until Kent actually saw a picture of the dead woman that it triggered a flashback making him relive that fateful day. He saw Chandler talking angrily with him and remembering a feeling of jealousy as well as hurt feelings because he dismissed Kent's observations in favor of defending Morgan whom the DI had obviously been attracted to. Then Kent recalled having a confrontation with her before leaving the witness room. It was the last time anyone saw her alive. But the most chilling scene was the image of standing next to Chandler and the both of them seeing Morgan's lifeless eyes staring up from the floor with a shard of glass embedded in her heart.

Kent was so jolted by the imagery that he ran into the hallway and out into the back of the building. His breathing came in shallow pants, his heart pounded like a jackhammer. Now he understood why Chandler rejected him. It all made sense now. He probably blamed Kent in some way for Morgan's death. After all, Kent was the last one to see her alive when he left the room, leaving her unprotected. Chandler must have been subconsciously resenting him ever since then. It was no wonder Chandler rejected him. And to think, he had pushed Chandler and forced him to relive all those awful memories. Kent felt terrible.

"Kent?" a familiar voice called out to him from behind. "What's the matter?"

He whipped around and saw Chandler approaching him with a concerned look on his face.

"I…I'm sorry for leaving the incident room so abruptly, sir. I'll get on those dossiers at once."

"Forget about the dossiers. I'm more concerned about you. You ran out of the office as though you had seen a ghost."

"More like a ghost of the past," Kent replied solemnly. "Really, I'm all right now. I just needed some fresh air."

"You're not all right at all. Come with me," Chandler replied take a hold of Kent's wrist as he gently, but firmly pulled him along behind him as they headed back towards the exit.

"Where are we going?" Kent demanded as he struggled to keep up with the DI's long strides.

"To the pub around the corner. Right now you could use a drink to calm you down."

"We can't leave the station in the middle of the day. What would everyone think?"

"Would you rather they see you drinking in my office instead?"

Kent gulped nervously as felt the warmth spread from the area where Chandler was touching his skin. All he could do was shake his head back and forth in response.

"Besides, you'll be with me and no one would dare say a word against it."

* * *

"Have you calmed down a bit?"

"Yes, thank you," Kent replied after taking a couple of sips of brandy.

"Now tell me what happened that upset you so much."

"Do you want the truth?"

"That would be nice."

"The whole truth?"

"That would be even nicer."

"I can't tell you."

"Well, that was certainly anti-climactic. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'd like to help if I can. Isn't that what friends are for?"

"You haven't exactly been acting very friendly lately."

"I know," Chandler admitted softly. "That's on me. I warned you that I was a complicated person, didn't I?"

"And I haven't exactly helped either."

"What are you talking about?"

"I remembered what happened with Morgan Lamb. It came back to me all of a sudden. That's why I ran out a moment ago. You must really resent me for what happened. And I don't blame you one bit."

Chandler's eyes reflected surprise and shock. It took him a few moments to compose himself.

"If you're under the impression that I'm holding a grudge against you, you're sadly mistaken. It wasn't your fault that she died."

"But you had a relationship with her, didn't you?"

"Who told you that?"

"It doesn't matter. Facts are facts. I was the last person who saw her alive. It's natural that you would feel some resentment towards me for my part in her death. That would explain why you rejected me both times when I told you how I felt about you. And that's why you can't stand me. That's why you must hate me."

Chandler's lips pursed in anger. He got up and dropped a couple of bills on the table before getting up. He took a hold of Kent's hand and pulled him up out of his chair before they slipped into an alley nearby where they could talk in private.

"Let's get one thing clear. What happened in the past is in the past. Morgan is dead. I've made peace with that fact and moved on. I never for a minute blamed you or thought it was your fault. That had absolutely nothing to do with the reason why I rejected you earlier. Don't ever confuse the two."

"You don't have to pretend on my account, sir. I remember now. You were attracted to her. I was right, wasn't I?"

"What difference does it make if I was? That has no bearing on our current relationship."

"It has EVERYTHING to do with it. Now it makes sense why you didn't want to return my feelings. You're still hung up on her."

To his shock, Chandler suddenly slammed his hands on the wall behind him, flanking each side of Kent's head and preventing any attempt of escaping. Chandler had never been this angry before. But it wasn't because of what Kent had said. It was because Kent actually believed that Chandler had blamed him all this time for Morgan's death.

"So now you're an expert on my thoughts and feelings, is that it? Don't ever assume that you know how I feel, Kent. You have no idea."

"Why are you doing this? What have I done to deserve you treating me this way?" Kent asked in confusion.

The emotions and adrenaline flowing through Chandler's veins were running and high and played havoc with his sensibilities as he looked deeply into Kent's big beautiful brown eyes. He had denied his feelings for his detective constable long enough. With lightening swift speed, he swooped down and claimed Kent's lips in a passionate kiss. Kent was paralyzed as he couldn't believe what was happening. His DI was actually kissing him. Didn't Chandler tell him that they could never be anything, but friends? When Kent snapped out of his daze, he put his hands up against the solid wall of muscle as he pushed against Chandler's chest in a vain attempt to escape. Chandler responded by moving forward so that Kent's back was pinned against the brick wall. Kent was seized with an intense wave of pleasure as he felt every contour of Chandler's body pressed against his, leaving nothing to the imagination. After a while, he closed his eyes as he lost any remaining resistance and succumbed to his baser desires. Any thoughts of his boyfriend were pushed aside as the only thing Kent could focus on was the man standing before him.

Chandler's lips moved tantalizingly against his, prying his mouth open to taste him. Kent moaned as he returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm, entwining his tongue against Chandler's. He had never been kissed so thoroughly or so passionately before in his life. It was the kind of kiss that was raw; almost primal; connecting with the deepest part of Kent's soul. Chandler too, was lost in his passions for his DC. His Kent. He had always belonged to him as far as Chandler was concerned. He had just been too blind and stubborn to admit it. Who would have thought that the usually calm, cool, and collected DI had a passionate, untamable side to him? And how could anyone think he was incapable of such feelings? Kent must have known even in the beginning. That was probably why he was drawn to him in the first place like some invisible irresistible force.

Kent's hands moved up of their own volition to delve into the fine gold hairs at the back of Chandler's head. They felt like strands of silk as he gently massaged the DI's scalp. Neither man had any thought of impropriety or appearances. The need to feel each other and taste each other was too overwhelming. Kent helplessly moaned again when Chandler began a slow path of burning kisses along his jaw and down along the column of his porcelain neck. The younger detective let out a gasp of surprise and pleasure when he felt Chandler nip at the base of his neck with his teeth, marking him as his own. He swiped his tongue across the tender patch of flesh to soothe the wound, making Kent's knees almost buckle beneath him. They were acting like teenagers in the throes of passion, unable to get enough of each other and not caring where they were or if it made any sense. Neither of them wanted it to end.

The sudden peal of Kent's phone broke the spell as he recognized Michael's ringtone. Michael. Kent was finally brought back to reality as he was seized with guilt. How could he have pushed aside his boyfriend without any thought to his feelings? How could he treat him like he didn't exist? Kent wrenched away from Chandler and ran back to the station, not bothering to wait for the DI. Chandler let Kent go as he stared at the wall, trying to regain his composure as well as his breathing. He had never lost control of his passions before like this. There were many things in his life he regretted. But kissing Kent was not one of them.

* * *

Kent stared at another text message sent by his boyfriend and sighed.

"Why won't you answer my calls or text messages? Are you still mad at me?"

He put a hand up to his forehead, much like Chandler would when he was overwhelmed. His already complicated life just got more complicated. All night long he remembered Chandler's kisses as well his own carnal reactions. He couldn't put the blame on Chandler. After all, nobody forced Kent to reciprocate. He thought he had moved on and gotten past his feelings for Chandler. Why did Chandler have to kiss him? Why did the rules have to change? It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair.

"Hey, you all right, mate?" Mansell asked in concern.

Kent looked up and found Mansell standing next to him in the hallway. "Yeah, fine. I've just got a headache. Don't tell Erica, ok? She would just be nagging me to take better care of myself."

"You do look a little pale. I mean paler than usual."

"Ha ha," Kent replied sarcastically.

"But seriously, you need to take it easy. Erica would kill me if I let her 'little brother' get hurt on the job."

"You're my babysitter now?"

"Nope. Just a friend. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye in the past, but the truth is, it wouldn't be the same without you here, Kent. Just wanted you to know that."

"Mansell… that was actually a very thoughtful thing for you to say."

"I do come up with some good ones once in a while."

"Thank you," Kent replied softly. "Don't worry. I'll be all right."

The older DC gave him a light slap on the shoulder before returning back to the incident room. Kent sighed deeply. He tried to appear unaffected, but it was no easy task. The touch of Chandlers' lips and body, the memory still fresh from the previous day, was burned into Kent's mind and soul. His own boyfriend did not affect him the way that Chandler did. Thankfully, Chandler and Miles were out interviewing witnesses for most of the day so Kent was spared the awkwardness of the morning after, so to speak. When he returned to his desk, he tried to go through his assignments as quickly as humanly possible to avoid seeing Chandler again at the end of the day. No such luck. The DI was waiting for him outside in the car park, leaning against Kent's Vespa.

"Going somewhere?"

"I…I thought you would be working late."

Chandler pushed himself from the motorbike and crossed the gap between them. "Don't you think we should talk about happened yesterday?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea. Yesterday was a mistake that never should have happened."

"Are you saying that you regret what we did? Are you saying that you hated that kiss?"

"No! I didn't hate it. I liked it. In fact, I liked it a lot. That's why we should stop now before it's too late. Before anyone gets hurt. We both got lost in the heat of the moment, but it's over and done with."

"It's not over as far as I'm concerned."

"Do you get some sadistic joy in tormenting me? Why do you insist on pursing this?"

"Because I can't allow this situation go on. Kent, I know that I was the one who told you that there could never be anything between us. I believed it was the best solution at the time. But every time I heard anyone mention how you were seeing someone else and how happy you were, all I felt was jealousy. When I saw how you moved on with your life, it made me want to punch the wall because it meant that it was over between us. I didn't want you to look at anyone else the way you used to look at me. I didn't want anyone else to monopolize your affections. The thought of someone else holding you and kissing you…it was too much. I couldn't stand it anymore. That's when I knew the reason for my frustrations. It was because I finally realized that I like you Kent. And the truth of the matter is that I care about you more than just a friend. Much more."

"Wasn't it enough that you rejected me twice?" Kent replied coldly. "Do you have to keep rubbing it in my face by reminding me?"

"I'm sorry. I know that I caused you a lot of unnecessary grief and worry."

"You SHOULD be sorry. I was actually moving forward with my life and making a fresh start. I was learning to put you out of my mind and heart. I even found a new boyfriend so I wouldn't have to think about you. But then you had to go and kiss me and ruin everything. We can never go back to the way it was before."

"I know that what I did was selfish and that I can never make up for the distress I've caused you. If it makes you feel any better, I was going through hell not being able to express my feelings to you because of my selfishness, my pride, and just plain stubborness. But it did prove a point."

"What point?"

"That your feelings for me haven't gone away. You still care about me, don't you?"

Kent turned away so that his back was facing Chandler. He almost jumped when the older man put his hands on Kent's shoulders and slowly brought the younger detective back against his chest from behind, holding him closely while he placed his cheek against Kent's cheek very tenderly. It was taking every ounce of self-control Kent had not to surrender completely to this dynamic and complicated man.

"I think I just got my answer."

"You're like poison to me, Joseph Chandler. I may not feel the effects in small doses, but too much of you will eventually be the end of me."

"You really have a way with words."

"You just don't get it. I'm in a no-win situation. If I choose to be with you, I lose a wonderful boyfriend who gave me a second chance and is willing to give all of himself to me. I don't know if you can do the same."

Kent paused when he felt Chandler tense slightly. "But if I stay with Michael, then I lose you. I've never met anyone like you, sir. You make my head spin until I can't see straight. Whenever you touch me, you stir a passion within me I've never known. Can't you see? I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't."

"Are you sure you feel that strongly for this Michael person? If you did, you wouldn't have responded so enthusiastically yesterday when we kissed."

"Those two statements are not necessarily equal."

"Even if you do, it doesn't matter. It won't change my feelings. Just like it won't change yours. Deep down, you know that your boyfriend could never fill the void in your heart."

Kent whipped around and separated himself from Chandler. "Don't make assumptions about someone you know nothing about. Michael is a good person with a good heart. He thinks the world of me."

"I didn't mean to disparage the man. I was just trying to point out that our connection is stronger than you realize. How else do you explain the fact that you fell for me again after you were diagnosed with amnesia?"

"I can't," the younger man admitted softly.

"I've spent my whole life trying to do the right thing and please everyone, even if it wasn't always what I wanted to do. For once, I want to follow my heart. I want to be part of your life Emerson Kent. I want another chance with you. That is, if you'll allow me to."

Kent was silent for a long time as he was going through a torrent of conflicting emotions. "I still don't have all my memories. I may never get them back. What if you decide that you want the old me back?"

"That doesn't matter to me. You're not two different entities. You're still the same Kent that welcomed me to Whitechapel six years ago. And the same one that captured my heart, in spite of everything I did to prevent that."

"I want to believe you so much," Kent replied uncertainly.

"So what's stopping you?"

"In case you've forgotten, there's someone else to consider in all of this."

"So this is why you haven't been answering my calls," an angry male voice rang out from the darkness.

Kent's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief as he recognized the voice. "Michael?"

_To Be Continued_

* * *

_Uploaded on: 06Mar2015_

_A/N: Any thoughts or impressions? Excuse me while I go cool myself off after that steamy scene between our two favorite Whitechapel detectives :)_


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay! As always, thank you for your support in reading this little work. Enjoy!

**Chapter 8**

* * *

A tall young man in his late twenties emerged from the dark shadows, his green eyes reflecting anger and jealousy at finding his boyfriend with another man. He could have been Chandler's younger sibling, except for their eye color, and height difference.

"How long have you been standing there?" Kent replied nervously.

"Long enough. I don't suppose you'd like to give me an explanation."

"I know how bad this looks, but it's not what you think."

"Oh, it's exactly what I think it is. You're really something, Emerson. You always seemed so innocent and unsullied. You had everyone fooled, didn't you? What a joke. You made me feel like you were too good for me and that I didn't deserve you. You wanted another chance and to start over when all along you were just using me to keep your mind off of this…thing," Michael replied looking with disdain at Chandler who towered considerably over him.

Kent was so riddled with guilt that he couldn't say a word in his defense. Every word, every accusation cut like a knife into his soul.

"Leave Kent out of this. It was all my fault," Chandler interjected.

"Oh, I'm sure you had a part in all of this. However, I don't recall asking for your opinion and I'll thank you to stay out of it. You've done enough already," Michael replied belligerently. He turned his attention back to Kent. "Did you ever have any feelings for me Emerson? Or was I just a convenient distraction?"

"Of course I had feelings for you, Michael. I still do. When I asked for another chance, there was nothing between Joe and me back then. He told me that it was over between us before anything even started."

"Well things have obviously changed since then. What a fool I was to think that all this time you've been faithful to me."

"Nothing happened. What do I have to do to convince you that Joe and I not having an affair? I've never lied to you before Michael."

"Forgive me if I'm having a little trouble believing you, Emerson. Especially when you have this," he replied reaching over to roughly pull down the collar of Kent's dress shirt to reveal the noticeable hickey on his neck. "I know this wasn't done by me."

Kent lowered his gaze guiltily. He had no answer to give.

"How could you do this to me? How could you let this creep touch you? I guess anyone will do when you're horny."

Kent couldn't help flinching at Michael's accusations. He knew that his boyfriend was just lashing out at him out of anger and pain, but it didn't take away the sting of his words. Chandler reached over and firmly grabbed Michael's wrist, physically removing his hand from Kent's neck.

"That's enough," Chandler replied in a tone of voice that surprised Kent. He had never heard the DI speak with such possessiveness where he was concerned. "Kent is telling the truth. I was the one that forced myself on him. If you want to blame someone, then blame me. I regret the circumstances and the timing, but I'm not going to regret having feelings for him. I have always cared for Kent, long before you came into his life."

Kent gave Chandler a worried look. He was taking all the blame for Kent's sake just to appease his boyfriend. It did not go unnoticed by Michael.

Michael roughly pulled his hand away, giving his rival a dirty look. "Such noble actions," the younger man replied sarcastically. "You're despicable. You couldn't even wait until Emerson was free before making your move. A person like you who would steal another man's boyfriend doesn't have a lot of class. What can you expect from a wanker?"

"Stop it!" Kent intervened. "Michael, this man is my boss. He's not that kind of person. And no matter what you think, we didn't plan for this to happen."

"Infidelity never is planned, is it? Oh, please Emerson, wake up! He took advantage of his position so he could force himself on you and take advantage of your residual feelings for him. He's been waiting for the perfect opportunity so he could prey on your insecurities. And from the look of things, he succeeded."

"It wasn't that way at all. We have…a complicated past."

"And what about our future? Or do we even have one now?"

"I…I don't know. This is all happening so fast," Kent replied helplessly. "I can't think straight."

"That's not a good enough answer. Up until now, you've been calling all of the shots. Now it's my turn."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"Meaning, that you're going to have to decide here and now. Either it's me or him."

"Michael, this isn't a game we're playing. I need time to think it over. You're not being fair."

"THIS wasn't fair," he replied succinctly.

"Stop putting pressure on Kent. If you would look past your anger and jealousy, you would see that he cares for you a great deal. He's the one who wanted to call it off before it went any further because he didn't want to hurt you. That's how much he cares about you."

"Mind your own business. I don't need advice from the bastard who is trying to take my boyfriend away from me. I don't want to hear another word out of you."

"Kent IS my business. And he's a person, not a possession. Maybe you should start treating him like one. Can't you see how torn he is over this?"

"I said shut up!" Michael yelled, pulling his right fist back to hit Chandler.

At the last moment, Kent stepped in front of him to take the brunt of the vicious blow. Chandler's eyes widened in horror as Kent went sprawling sideways, hitting his head on the sharp end of the handle bar of his Vespa before falling to the ground into an unconscious pile.

Chandler rushed over to Kent's side and carefully turned him over so that he could assess his injury. He felt something cold and wet in his hand as he supported the back of Kent's head and the undeniable metallic smell of blood. There was a huge gash on the side of Kent's head that was bleeding profusely. The bright crimson blood stain on his hand made Chandler shudder and want to clean it immediately. Despite his OCD kicking in, Chandler refused to let it prevent him from taking care of Kent in his hour of need. He had to be strong for his sake and forced himself to suppress the desire to clean his hand immediately. Instead, he reached for his handkerchief in his breast pocket and pressed it the side of Kent's head to staunch the bleeding as much as he could.

Michael was lost for words as he realized the seriousness of Kent's injury. He looked down at his still clenched fist in shock and dismay.

"Don't just stand there. Call an ambulance," Chandler ordered emphatically. "Or do you want to lose Kent forever?"

The younger man came out of his daze and quickly dialed for help on his mobile phone. "They're on their way. I didn't…I didn't mean to…Emerson is going to be all right, isn't he?"

"I don't know," Chandler replied solemnly. "Go inside and tell the desk officer what happened. Tell them we'll need a clean towel and a blanket."

When they were alone, Chandler took his jacket off and placed it over Kent's body to keep him warm while they waited for the ambulance. Seeing him so helpless like this made Chandler think about all the chances he had to tell Kent how much he meant to him over the years, but never acted on them because of one excuse or another. Now, he may never have another chance. It wasn't fair. Just when there was hope for the future, Chandler's world came crashing down again. The idea of losing Kent again for good was just…it was too much. Chandler hung his head down in anguish as he pulled Kent even closer to him, cradling the younger man in his arms. After a few moments, silent tears trickled down his cheeks as he could no longer hold it in. He couldn't lose Kent now. He just couldn't.

* * *

"You should go home and rest. You've been here all night, haven't you?" a familiar voice came from behind Chandler. The DI turned around to find Miles walking into Kent's hospital room. "It won't do Kent or you any good."

"I can't leave now. I want to be here when he wakes up. I need to be here."

"The doctor said that he's going to be fine. Except for Kent losing quite a bit of blood, he only needed stitches and they didn't have to operate."

"Miles, I appreciate your attempt at making me feel better, but the fact that Kent has had previous head injuries doesn't make me feel very confident at the moment. I would feel a lot better if I saw him wake up."

"Kent's got a hard head. He'll be fine. You'll see."

Chandler turned to look down at Kent's unconscious form lying in bed with his forehead wrapped in bandages. His mouth was still slightly swollen from the punch he took from his boyfriend when he stepped in front of Chandler.

"It's all my fault, Miles. Everything Kent has been through these past few months is because of my selfishness. He deserves so much better."

"But he doesn't want someone better. He wants you. And you want him."

Chandler's head whipped around. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Did you think that I wouldn't know how you felt about him?"

"I was hoping. So why didn't you give me another lecture?"

"Had to let you figure it out for yourself. Anyway, I had a hunch that you would come 'round sooner or later."

"But I thought you wanted me to leave him alone."

"I said that I didn't want you to give him the wrong idea if you weren't serious about him. It's obvious that you've had a change heart. Now you can protest all you want and tell me that I'm wrong and that I don't know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not playing any more games, Miles. And I don't care who knows. I do care for Kent. I care for him so much that it scares me."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"That I won't be able to live up to his expectations. What scares me more is how much I need Kent. I never thought that I would ever need anyone."

"I hate to bring it up now, but do you want to press charges against the man that did this?"

Chandler shook his head from side to side in response. "Kent would be heart-broken if I did that. The man that hit him is his boyfriend. I was the intended target, but Kent got in the way to protect me. Unfortunately, he paid the price."

"So it was lover's quarrel, eh?"

"Something like that," Chandler replied softly. "Kent seems to always get hurt in some way or another because of me. It's happening all over again, Miles. I let him down again."

The older man came over and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Come on. You need to get out of here. A change of scenery will do you a world of good. And you need some fresh air."

"But I don't…"

"You can't help Kent if you keel over from exhaustion. There's a café down the block and you need food. I'll even pay."

Chandler nodded. "Thanks, Miles."

* * *

Kent slowly opened his eyes trying to adjust to the brightness of the fluorescent lights overhead. The first thing he felt was a stinging sensation on the side of his head as he grimaced and let out a yelp of pain.

"So you're finally awake. You must really like it here, Mr. Kent. If you make too many visits, we may have to give you a permanent room."

He gently turned towards the nurse who came into the room carrying a tray with clean bandages on it. She was the same nurse who had taken care of him earlier when he had previously been injured on the job.

"What happened? Why am I in the hospital again?"

"According to the medical report, you hit your head against the handlebar of your motorbike and got a deep laceration while trying to break up a fight. You were fortunate that you only needed stitches."

"So that's why I feel like hell. Can you please make the room stop spinning?"

"I'll bring you some aspirin along with your breakfast in a moment. You should consider yourself lucky that you didn't sustain a concussion."

"That's not a surprise. My family always said that I was thick-headed."

The nurse laughed at his quip. "Well, at least you still have your sense of humor. I wish all my patients had your disposition. Your supervisor will be glad to know that you're awake now. He's been with you ever since they brought you in last night. He stepped out for a moment, but I'm almost certain he'll be back. I was right about him. He really cares about you."

Kent turned his head to the side facing away from her. "Has anyone else been here?"

"There was another man who stopped by about 10 minutes ago, but he didn't stay very long. In fact, he left a letter for you on the nightstand after I told him that you would be all right."

Kent remained silent as the nurse made some small talk while changing his bandages and cleaning his wound. He waited until she left before reading the letter. He recognized Michael's handwriting immediately.

_"Dear Emerson, by the time you read this, I'll be far away from here. I know that I'm taking the cowardly way out, but I couldn't face you again after what I did. I'm so sorry for everything. I've always known that you could never love me the way I wanted you to. I was just so jealous. That's why I couldn't handle it when I found you together with that man. Even with your amnesia, your heart always belonged to him. It all makes sense now. Don't feel bad or blame yourself. I want you to know that I enjoyed every minute we spent together and I will always remember you with fond memories. I hope you feel the same way about me. Goodbye, Em. -Michael"_

Kent's eyes filled with tears as he clutched the letter to his chest. He managed to hurt Michael the same way that Chandler had hurt him the first time his confession was rejected. Ironically, the blow to his head from the previous evening triggered all of his memories to return. Kent remembered now. He remembered everything.

* * *

"Feeling better?" Miles asked as they stepped out of the elevator before heading back to Kent's room.

"Well, it wasn't exactly breakfast at the Ritz, but it did the job."

Miles snorted in laughter. "And you say you're not a snob."

"Guilty as charged."

Chandler stopped in his tracks when he saw the empty bed where Kent had previously been resting in. Miles immediately checked the lavatory and shook his head negatively when Chandler looked in his direction.

"Miles, where could he be?"

"Oh, there you are," a woman's voice came from the doorway. It was the nurse in charge of taking care of Kent. "I've been looking all over for you."

"What's the matter? Has Kent been transferred to another room?"

"I don't how to tell you this, but I'm afraid he's disappeared."

_To be continued_

* * *

_Uploaded on: 16Mar2015_

_A/N: Oh where or where has my little Kent gone?_


	9. Chapter 9

I didn't expect to have another chapter up so soon, but you all get to benefit from the fruits of my labor (and lack of sleep). Enjoy!

**Chapter 9**

* * *

"What do you mean he's disappeared?" Chandler demanded. "How could anyone just disappear?"

"Mr. Kent woke up shortly after you left. He seemed to be alert and coherent so I went to get his breakfast tray. But when I came back, he was gone."

"Just what kind of hospital is this? How could you allow a patient to leave when he was obviously not well enough?"

"There's no way he would have been able to leave without the doctor's consent. He would have been stopped immediately before that even happened."

Miles put a hand on Chandler's shoulder to get him to settle him down. Chandler was probably worried to death that Kent would have another relapse like what happened before. He couldn't really blame him.

"Then he's still on the premises somewhere," Miles reasoned. "Let's go, sir. We'll find him quicker if we split up."

Chandler nodded in agreement. "Call me immediately if you find him."

He went from floor to floor searching high and low for Kent, but came up empty. Why would he suddenly leave like that especially in his condition? He paused for a moment and thought long and hard. In the past, Chandler himself would go up to the roof of the police station when he wanted a moment to himself away from everyone. Perhaps Kent might have gone up there. It was worth a try. After reaching the very top floor, he opened the door to the roof and to his shock, found Kent standing close to the edge of the parapet dressed in a robe and slippers.

"Kent, what in blazes are you doing up here? Everyone was worried when you disappeared."

The younger man slowly turned his attention to Chandler who had crossed the distance between them.

"I didn't mean to cause a fuss. I just needed a place where I could think in private."

"But why up here of all places?"

"I don't know. I just got up and started walking and walking. The next thing I knew, I ended up here."

Chandler felt something wasn't quite right with Kent.

"That was very dangerous. You shouldn't be walking around so soon after your injury. What if you had a relapse like last time?"

"Were you worried?"

"Of course I was. Why do you think I've been running around like a madman looking all over for you?"

"I figured there were more important things on your mind. After all, I've never been that high of a priority to you. I certainly wasn't when you rejected my confession the first time. You left my room so quickly, I thought you would trip and fall on your face. You couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me."

"How do you know about that?" Chandler replied uncertainly. "I never told you about any of the details."

"Because…I remember everything now. I don't know why, but when I hit my head again last night, it triggered all my memories to return after I woke up. It's a shame for you though, isn't it?" Kent replied cryptically.

"I don't understand what you mean."

"When I lost my memories you didn't have to deal with the consequences back then after I made my confession to you. If you recall, you told me to forget about my feelings. Once I was diagnosed with amnesia, you were in the clear and the problem was conveniently solved. Then I had to go and mess things up by falling for you again. It's a tragedy of errors if you think about it."

"Kent, you're not making any sense. Now, I want the truth from you," Chandler demanded impatiently. "No more games."

"Can't you see? I'm giving you a way out. I'm absolving you of any feelings of guilt and setting you free. You don't have to pretend that you care for me anymore. There's no reason to, now that I remember our past history."

"I meant every word I said that I want to be with you. What makes you think that I'm being disingenuous?"

"Because I remember how much it hurt when you accused me of being the mole in the Kray case. I remember how you brushed me aside time and time again and ignored my feelings like what happened with Morgan. And I remember how devastated I was when you rejected my confession without so much as a thought. You may have forgotten, but I haven't."

"I'm sorry I made you go through so much, but in my defense, most of what you just pointed out was before I realized how you felt about me. Kent, those weren't just hollow words and empty promises when I poured my heart out to you yesterday. I do want to be part of your life. Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me to admit that I cared for you? I've never felt that way about anyone before. Wasn't that kiss we shared proof that I wasn't pretending?"

"It only proves that you're a good actor. After all, if you had told me the truth about how our relationship was, it could have affected my recovery. You can't tell me that wasn't a consideration. It must have been quite a hardship for you to pretend that you cared for me."

Chandler couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Punishing me. I've told you already that I was doing what I thought was best at the time. I even let you go so that you could be with Michael. But everything changed. I don't how, but I fell in love with you."

Kent turned his gaze away in agitation as he struggled with his emotions. He was desperately trying to make Chandler give up on him.

"You don't love me. You don't love anyone. You won't allow yourself to. That's the Joseph Chandler I came to know over the past six years and the one I remember the most. He's the one who never noticed how I felt about him even though everyone else did."

"I'm also the one you responded to with every fiber of your being when I kissed you. You can't tell me that was a figment of my imagination."

"Maybe I was acting. You don't own a monopoly on that."

"Kent, I don't know why you're choosing to hurt me this way, but it won't dissuade how I feel about you. I realize that it's been a very difficult time for you; mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can't begin to imagine what you've had to endure. But through it all, you've always been true to your heart, even when you couldn't remember the past. You can say whatever you want, but it won't change the fact that we still have a connection with each other. I know that you still care about me."

"It's no use," Kent replied painfully. "Too much has happened. I've already hurt Michael. I don't deserve to be happy."

"So that's what this is all about. You feel guilty for the way things turned out with him."

"Why wouldn't I be? Michael left because he saw how much you still had a hold on me. He couldn't face me because of what happened last night so he left a letter. He even apologized after the way I betrayed him. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Don't you understand? I can't be happy after the way things turned out. What kind of person does that make me?"

"The right kind," Chandler replied softly. If it was possible, he loved Kent even more now than ever before. "Kent, …Emerson," he amended. "I wish things could have gone differently. I never had any ill will towards Michael. But in the same vein, isn't it better that the truth is out? Would it have been any better for you to stay with him out of a sense of duty because you felt you owed it to him?"

"So that's supposed to make me feel better and justify my actions?"

Chandler reached out to him, but the younger man backed away immediately. "If there's anyone that doesn't deserve to be happy, it's me. I put you in this position where you never should have been in the first place, Emerson. If I had just been honest with myself from the beginning, you wouldn't have gone out with Michael at all. You can't blame yourself for things that were out of your control."

"I have to take some accountability. I should have been honest with him from the very beginning. Michael was right. Deep down, I was using him to forget about you because I couldn't cope with the fact that you didn't want to be with me at that time. I hate myself for what I did."

"Does that mean you regret having feelings for me?" Chandler replied quietly.

"I just…I don't feel like I have the right to."

"When you were lying in my arms last night; unconscious and bleeding, I thought I had lost you. For someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, control is everything. It was a shock for me to realize that I had no control when it came to my feelings for you. I denied it for so long that it became my first line of defense, so to speak. If I acknowledged those feelings, it meant I had no longer had any control of my emotions. That terrified me. But what scared me even more was to live in a world without you. Last night, I realized just how much I need you. You've become a part of me. Somehow, in spite of all the craziness and drama, you found your way into my heart even though you couldn't remember how you felt about me. And you forced me to take a good hard look at myself and think about what I really wanted. You made me see that what I wanted was right in front of me all along. I love you, Emerson Kent. Nothing anyone says or does will change that."

Kent remained silent for several moments as he absorbed all of Chandler's heartfelt words. He had never heard him speak with such raw, naked emotion before. Chandler had always been so confident in himself and his abilities. It was a revelation to see him so vulnerable like this. What Kent saw before him now was a man who was risking everything he had ever known to step out of his comfort zone because Chandler wanted to prove to Kent that he was sincere about his feelings. It was enough for him.

"Joe…" Kent replied in a voice that broke with pent-up emotion.

Chandler didn't need to hear anymore. He crossed the gap between them and gently folded Kent into his arms. Kent wrapped his arms around Chandler's broad back, returning his embrace as he buried his face against Chandler's shoulder. All those years Kent had suffered in silence, all the times he was forced to watch Chandler shower his affections on other women. All the trials and tribulations between them didn't matter, now that he was in the arms of his beloved DI. When Kent thought that he would never regain his memories, his love for Chandler led him back to him. It was finally beginning to sink in that Chandler loved him. He loved him.

After a while, Chandler pulled back so that he could look at Kent while keeping him in the circle of his arms. He could have drowned himself in those huge brown doe eyes. No longer able to contain himself, Chandler bent low to kiss the younger man. Kent averted his lips by turning his head to the side slightly.

"Careful. My mouth is still sore from last night," he reminded him.

"I'm sorry. How could I forget? I just wanted to kiss you so badly."

"Oh, the hell with it," Kent replied as he reached up to frame Chandler's face in his hands before firmly pressing his lips against Chandler's mouth. The DI returned his kiss with mutual desire as Kent was finally reunited with the love of his life. He immediately melted in his arms. Kent could finally enjoy it now that he remembered how much Chandler meant to him.

"You know, there's a few loose ends we need to clear up," Chandler reminded Kent after they pulled away for air.

"Like what?"

"You owe me a replacement for using my handkerchief as a bandage and for getting blood on my best shirt. Do you know how much imported silk costs?"

Kent thought Chandler was kidding until he saw the seriousness in his facial expression. "How much do I owe you?"

"Oh, I figure it will cost about five hundred kisses," Chandler replied smiling at him, before pulling the younger man against his chest. "And I won't take no for an answer."

Kent burst out laughing when he realized that Chandler had been joking all along. After the stress of the past few days, it felt good to let it all out and laugh again.

"How about a down payment for now?" he replied, playing along.

Chandler tightened his hold on Kent as the younger man reached up to kiss him again. "I'll consider it."

"Ahem, I hate to interrupt this lovey-dovey moment, but I think the hospital would appreciate knowing that Kent isn't missing after all."

They broke away and blushed in embarrassment when they saw Miles walking up to them. Kent immediately was on guard.

"It's okay. Miles knows how I feel about you," Chandler replied sensing the tension in Kent.

"Really?" he replied uncertainly.

"Well, it's not like it was hard to miss. Why do you think the boss was being such a bastard lately at work?"

"I guess I really was, wasn't I?" Chandler replied in a chagrined tone. "Miles, I…we would appreciate you keeping this from everyone. Needless to say, it would be awkward."

"Like I said, I don't really care one way or the other. But your secret is safe with me. I hope you can handle him, Kent. He's quite a handful."

"I wouldn't want him any other way," the younger detective replied softly as he looked at Chandler with adoring eyes. He could have sworn that Chandler was blushing under his gaze.

* * *

"Are you sure you're all right, Emerson? Do you want a drink of water? Or maybe you'd like something to eat?"

Kent smiled patiently as he settled against Chandler's sofa after returning from his last hospital checkup to have his stitches removed. Chandler had firmly insisted that he stay at his place for the night just in case he needed anything. It was really quite sweet and adorable how he fretted over him. He would have to make use of that later on.

"No, I don't need anything. I'm perfectly fine. Didn't the doctor give me a clean bill of health?"

"Sorry. I just want to make sure you're comfortable."

"I am, now that you're here with me," Kent replied softly.

Chandler sat down next to him and pressed his forehead gently against Kent's forehead as he gathered him into the warmth of his arms. They stayed cuddled together enjoying each other's warmth.

"Do you know how much I love you Emerson?"

"I think I have some idea. But instead of telling me, I would rather that you show me how much you love me," Kent replied suggestively.

The older man pulled back in surprise. "Really? You mean, right now?"

Kent reached up to touch Chandler's cheek. "I've waited for you long enough, Joseph Chandler. You're not going to make me wait even longer, are you?"

Chandler took Kent's hand from his cheek and brought his fingers up to his lips as he kissed them softly, making Kent tremble.

"Come with me," Chandler replied huskily as his voice was filled with unspoken desire. He got up and led Kent into his bedroom where they took their time expressing their love for each other until the wee hours of the morning. Chandler woke up to the sound of gentle breathing coming from the younger man pressed up against his side as he slept beside him. The warmth of Kent's body felt so good. It was much better than sleeping alone. Chandler gently shifted his position so that he was propped up on one elbow so he could get a better view of Kent as he watched him sleep. He still couldn't believe that Kent belonged to him. But then again, he wasn't going to complain. Kent eventually stirred from his slumber and slowly fluttered his long eyelashes open.

"Good morning," Kent murmured sleepily, greeting him with a lazy smile.

Chandler responded by tipping Kent's chin up so that he could give him a long, deep kiss.

"Mmm, I could get used to waking up like this," Kent purred happily.

"I didn't hurt you, did I? I haven't exactly had a lot of practice lately."

"You were wonderful. And it was better than I ever dreamed it could be. I don't know if you've noticed, but you are a very attractive and desirable man, Joseph Chandler."

"You're so shallow. Do you only love me for my looks?"

"Of course not. I love you for your body too," Kent quipped jokingly.

"I hate to say it, but we have to get up for work in an hour."

"Spoilsport. Well, since we're awake anyway and we do have an hour…" Kent insinuated while drawing slow lazy circles on Chandler's naked chest with his fingers before reaching over to press soft butterfly kisses against the area he just touched.

"Emerson, stop that," Chandler said as his voice quivered slightly from the pleasure he was experiencing. "If you make me late for work, I won't forgive you."

"You mean you don't want to?" Kent asked, doing his best impression with the soulful puppy eyes look.

He then started to rub his toes teasingly against Chandler's calf until the older man groaned and finally gave in. They ended up being an hour late for work.

* * *

"All right everyone. You've all done enough. Take the rest of the day off and go home," Chandler announced before the team.

Everyone in the office looked at each other in surprise and shock. It was only two o'clock in the afternoon. Was it a figment of their imagination?

"Yes, you heard correctly. Or would you rather stay? If so, I have plenty more work to keep you occupied."

"Not me, sir. I'm out of here," Mansell replied already on his way out the door. The other team members began to quickly file out as well. It wasn't long before the once full room became an empty wasteland.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why the sudden generosity? Did you hit the lottery or something?" Miles asked as he slipped into his coat.

"I just thought it was as good a time as any to make up for my bad mood last month."

"So that's it. Well, I guess I can't complain. Ever since Kent came back from the hospital, you've been less grouchy lately. Is he really that good in bed?"

"Miles!" Chandler hissed in embarrassment. "You've gone too far this time. And that's none of your business."

The older detective laughed in amusement as he walked out of the station. Chandler walked over to Kent's desk and waited until he was acknowledged by him.

"You shouldn't work too hard. You'll end up like me."

Kent smiled up at Chandler as he finished typing the last entry of his report on the computer. "I'm finished. With all the catch up work and double shifts lately, we hardly get any alone time anymore. Are you sure we can afford to leave early?"

"Work will still be here tomorrow and the next day, and the day after that. Right now, all I want is to spend some alone time with you. And I won't take no for an answer, DC Kent."

"Always so demanding, DI Chandler. I guess I have no choice but to do as you ordered."

Chandler smiled as he extended his outstretched hand to him. "Come on. Let's go home."

Kent reached out and clasped Chandler's hand and squeezed it in return. He had everything he could ever wish for right in the palm of his hand.

_The End_

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_Uploaded on: 18Mar2015_

_A/N: I hope you have enjoyed this story. Thank you for reading and for your comments and reviews. Your continual support keeps encouraging me to write. I just love Chandler and Kent so much as my OTP. Thank goodness for fanfiction. Take care!_


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